This is purely for awareness, some people feel depression different than others, this is a small insight on how its affected me <3

My feelings aren’t okay. Feeling like this all the time is not okay. My depression takes a toll on me and I can never control it. I'm sensitive to everything. My body can’t think of any reasons to get up. I don't want to be sad all the time, letting my brain rack around with horrible thoughts, destroying my mind. It’s not that I don’t want to get better, it’s that anytime I try to think of something happy or remember the happy thoughts, they seem to drift away.

The days feel longer and morph together, no day feels separate from the last. My mind tired. Faking happy is almost a habit now. So used to the fakeness of my smile that even I almost believe it. My heart hurts, physically hurts. It feels impossible to get better, no matter what you try it’s like a downward spiral and you’re in the worst parts of your mind. Somehow when I try to describe what I'm feeling, I can never explain what I really feel. Nothing ever feels right to say. No one knows what I’m feeling, I don’t really know if I want them too, they couldn’t comprehend what I feel. They see depression different than I do. Maybe because they’ve never really felt it, or just haven’t felt it the way I do. The way my mind is always fighting itself, the way my mind can’t focus on one thought, or how my life always feels like it’s always been this way.

Even if I try and remember my happy moments, I can’t. Happiness is pushed into my face but somehow I can’t reach it. It almost feels like it’s weighing on your back. The depression sits, and at first it’s okay, but over time it gets heavier, and heavier. You feel it in your legs and in your neck until your head is pounding, and then you collapse. It takes over your body, covering every inch holding you down, crushing your bones. Eyes heavy and tired, body weak and frail. Forgetting any other feelings other than the pain that hugs your body like a glove, slowly taking all the happiness until you’re empty.