I never feel like Iโ€™m myself.

Iโ€™ve been very lost the past few months; no sense of direction. My whole life has been stripped apart and written on a sheet shoved in a brown envelope and on that paper says one of two things:

You are full of hope, compassion, and confidence you are what they call the role model.
You are a complete waste of space, you show no promise in life and should just become nothing now instead of trying.

These two awnsers balance on my shoulders like scales every step I take or action I make weights one heavier but for the last few months they have stayed equal. Does this mean that I have cheated the system and get to create my own future? No. It means Iโ€™m stuck. Stuck in a vacuum of time no way to leave or re-enter. I can not be one hundred percent certain on what is going to happen next all I can do is have doubt that what I think or wish for will not.

Life is to unbalanced to be able to know your outcome, instead of trying to see the future why donโ€™t you see what could never be the future. Now that doesnโ€™t mean think in a negative way it just means be honest, do not lie to yourself if you know deep down nothing like that can happen. Yes you can dream but you canโ€™t control so donโ€™t make up false hopes and get upset and sink yourself lower.