I have something important to share with you guys today, something that has transformed my life, and hopefully something that will be helpful to you.
I want to call this "3 Magic Ws", I'm pretty sure I didn't invent this though.
This can be a journaling technique or you can simply do it by talking out loud with yourself.
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Have you ever felt like you don't deserve the good things that happen to you or something that you really want, like getting into your dream college?
My life has been getting better lately, I found new friends, my grades are going up, I'm free of depression, and my panic attacks have decreased significantly. Yet, yesterday I got a strange unsettling feeling. I felt sad, deeply sad and uncomfortable for no apparent reason. While sitting with my friends a thought floated into my head "YOU DON"T DESERVE THIS!" as I went down the spiral, I felt worse and worse. I hated myself.
Every single time things start getting good in my life I self-sabotage.
Angel In Purgatory
Angel In Purgatory
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If you guys feel like you are not good enough, or you don't deserve good in your life, or you hate yourself, here's something that has helped me tremendously.
1. What do I feel and Why do I feel this way?
Just start blurting everything that comes to your mind, you'll be surprised what you might discover. As I went down my path answering this question, I dug up some things I never thought were there. I found that I felt guilty being the only one who succeeds in a class and I felt like a bad person because of it.
Angel In Purgatory
Angel In Purgatory
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I hated myself for not being able to be nice all the time, for not giving enough time to people who asked for my time. The most interesting thing I discovered was that what happened with my very first crush still affected me. He made me feel like no one would ever like me for who I was and not just my body. I was constantly trying to please someone who could not be pleased, and one wrong step would result in him calling me a "dumb b**ch" "S**t" or just blocking me, only to later ask me to add me back. Our experiences stay with us, it's like growing up in a household which speaks a certain language, and no matter how long you've spoken a different language after that, one day when you're really tired you might just blurt out something in that language. It stays in our subconscious, and the best way to get rid of it is to find it and replace it with a new belief.
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2. What's the story behind this?
This step is all about finding that story that we subconsciously tell ourselves as a result of experience because a belief in psychology is usually supported by a story we tell ourselves to justify that belief. Mine was thinking that what happened with that guy was what I deserved and that everyone else was like him.
3. Why is this not true?
Go back look at the statements you've made and got some counter-arguments.
Angel In Purgatory
Angel In Purgatory
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I get As because I study hard and I'm good at those subjects I'm passionate about them and I want to succeed. I deserve to get into a top university because I've worked for it, I put my soul into my applications, and it has always been my dream. I got my grades up after my first year of high school so I could have a good future and because I actually wanted to learn what those subjects taught me. That guy is gone, I'm out of that situation, he is no longer here, he can no longer affect me, not everyone is him, and I will never get back into a similar situation.
By giving yourself counter-arguments you start to look at a different perspective and invalidate the old story. You can repeat this whenever the thoughts come back. I feel so much better after doing this and hope you guys will too.
Now, I want you guys to do one thing that completely goes against the old story you have told yourself, and while doing it repeat a few times "I deserve this".
I'm going to go work on my applications and tell myself that I deserve to get accepted.
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Thank you guys so much for reading this and all your messages, I hope it helps. I definitely did not invent this concept but I don't know exactly who did, it's just something that came into my mind as I was going through the last two days. You can do the same with every negative feeling that comes into your head, why is it there, what's the story behind it, and why is it no longer true.
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