Hey, it’s me again.
I’m sorry I’ve been lost for a while. Maybe I still am, I can’t know for sure.
All I know is that I stopped living for weeks, only existing blindly, trying hard not to die.
But now is the time to get my life back together.
While I was gone, time went by in a blur; moments were lost in my fear of staying alive.
Every minute that went by, I tried not to focus on the fact that I was still here.
Every hour I tried to ignore the pain of being myself.
And I knew for a long time that I couldn’t go on like that, I couldn’t waste my time on this earth by sleep walking, but I was too scared of waking up. Every nightmare was better than life. But now I’m back, trying to stop those thoughts from poisoning my mind any further, because I know by now that I’m sick, and the only medicine to stop me from dying is focusing on the bright side of being alive.

So here I am again, working on expressing myself in words, something I’ve always struggled with. My words are riddles, not only because I like the deep meanings behind it, but also because that’s the only way I can make sure that only people who feel the same like me will understand my words. Or maybe it’s because I’ve always been good in saying the wrong things. No, scratch that. I never ‘say’ what I think, I only write it down. For me, that’s the only real way to reach out for others. I know that on those pages my thoughts can become free and for once, I don’t have to worry about being misunderstood and judged.

Now I’m back, trying to be better than before. A long, unknown way is in front of me, and even though I’m not sure if I’ll ever reach my goal, I know that I will die trying, and that’s all that matters for me. Nothing will get better if I don’t dare that first step into the right direction. This is my first step: admitting that I’ve been lost and fighting to find myself again.

Temporarily removed quotes, lost, and world image