I texted him.I told him that it wouldn't work. I told him that I don't believe that we would match. I told him that eventually he will find the right girl.
I cried the whole night.
I felt terrible: Frustrated, sad and angry at the same time. Frustrated because I didn't have the courage to tell him in person. Sad because I wouldn't see him again. Angry because I don't know what I want.

I cried the next day at home, and the next day at a party. Made friends with an older guy who went through a breakup after 6 years realationship. Apologized (to the boy I've texted to) for not telling him personally and offered to talk about it. He wouldn't. I wasn't surprised. I wouldn't either.

I have no idea what that was between us. If there was something. He's a great person. I hope we can talk normally and be friends one day. I like him. I've lost a friend.
Was it a mistake? Yes but no.
I did this for a reason. I wasn't ready. Probably I should have told him personally. But I didn't and I apologized. For texting not for the words. I don't have to apologize for my feelings. I think he will understand it.
Someday I'll be ready. I've got all this time.




- Ann