I've been thinking... Do you know one thing that is surely worse than a breakup with the person you loved, who also loved you back?

It's not even being given a chance.

I always thought of myself as someone who would absolutely give it my all to the person I care about. I hold so much love, and I couldn't wait to give it to someone who cared for me also one day. I was more than ready to give him my soul and body once I meet him.

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Then I met him.mp3

When that person finally came into my life, I felt magic for the first time after so long.

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Ah, that sweet life

I felt blessed. I felt genuine gratefulness to the universe. And ever since that night, my life has changed. Everything seemed so... Nice all of sudden. Even that boring tree over there. Or this rock over here that noone really cares about.

The whole world was rearranging itself to the favour of us being together. Eveything seemed so effortless and smooth.

I liked him, he liked me.

But then

He said he's had it with girls.

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And so I decided I've had it with love.

After so many years of waiting for that special someone to give my love to, he does not want to receive it.

When it's my turn, there's nothing

It's that torturing knowledge that he had given chances to all the girls before me, who abused his seemingly pure soul, but when it is my turn to show him how beautiful love can be... Nada.

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It's that "all the possibilities we could experience together" factor that is eating me alive. It's being given only fragments of how he tastes like. But not being given the whole cake. Selfish of me for wanting it all, huh?

The worst of all is probably that he didn't even want to be proven otherwise. We couldn't finish what we started. I was denied access to him. I was not allowed to let myself dive deep inside his soul and feel love all the way in. He run out of love, when it's my turn.

It doesn't matter how much love you hold within you. You can be the most amazing person to someone, who would take care of them and love them with all your heart. If they don't want to give you a chance, it doesn't even matter.

I'm out of this crap.

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I can't win.