I have lost myself sometime ago
I went too far until I did not realize my soul gone
I have been living in melancholy that
I make people I love hurts.

I have gone too long until
I did not know what I looking for
Is it peace, love, happiness or love
because none of them make me feel enough
I feel empty

I am in defiant state and resist
to whatever people said for my own good
I was afraid to be hurt but I hurt myself
I was looking for help but only me can help myself

I almost forgot what I dream about
I almost forgot what I love before
I almost forgot what is love
to love and be in love

I commit for something not necessary
I commit my life because that is definition of life
I unable to see the beautiful in nature
I unable to see reason or things behind everything
happened to me

Guess I am tired from expectation
Guess I am done being strong
Guess I am drained faking it
Guess I am exhausted of everything.

I showed them my inner self at my lowest point
I showed them that I cannot be tamed
I showed them no one nor anything could touch my soul

I do not have strong will to overcome everything and be okay with it.

Today,
I realized how beautiful the flowers are
I remembered my favourite flower
I remembered my favourite place
and I realized I lost my old self
those naive, innocent version of myself
those pure love that I have before
those trust that I gave to the people I love

Today,
I feel complete, confident and peace
even for one day, I know those feelings still exist
even for one day, I know I have people loves me with all their heart
even for one day, I know why I am still alive
and even for one day I feel adequate.

So,
Lets hope this feeling never end
Lets hope I will be in love with right person
Lets hope I never look down on myself because my son need me the most

I cannot guarantee I will be okay
but I promise you will see the new me.

-nhdyxh-