I ask myself everyday what did I do to deserve
this shallow empty life and think that
maybe if I quit eating and drinking
it will be better cause if I'm skinnier
I will have a higher self esteem and
do things with confidence
at least that's what the general consensus is, right?
but then late at night i start binge eating
everything hits me at once
oh god am i that dunce;
maybe if I go to clubs, parties and do drugs
I'll forget about my lonely life
I'll feel more like home and won't be alone
oh don't judge me i just wanna feel like i belong;
Maybe if I do something different
run away from home
go to that place, try that thing
i would find my place in this stupid world
oh but only if i were brave
like those buzzfeed quizes say;
Maybe if I tried harder
to keep people in my life
~ i swear i don't do it on purpose ~
now I wouldn't be so unloved
i would have friends and
it won't feel everyday like misery never ends;
Maybe if I dared to speak up my voice, I wouldn't be people's second or not even a choice
Maybe if depression and anxiety didn't take over me, society would still want me
Maybe if i tried harder not to be sad, I wouldn't disappoint my mom and dad
Maybe if I stopped being so toxic to myself and others I love, nobody would ignore me not even the one in the sky above;
But all that is like saying
Maybe if the earth stops revolving around the sun and it stops rising and setting, i will be happy