Yesterday I had a fight with one of my best friend. Call it misunderstanding, make it that way. It almost felt like we were losing everything along the way. Years into the relationship didn’t seem that long anymore, for she said something so hurtful, it hit home. It stung, what she had to say. I don’t have many friends, I don’t need having a thousand friends on facebook, another six hundred followers on instagram. I was happy as I was, having only some real close friends whom I can trust my life on. But ugly as life is, and that I should’ve known, I did lost a friend earlier this year. I can never forget about that, I’m still holding a grudge on myself. No matter how hard I tried to save our relationship, it went downhill. It was so severely hurtful it couldn’t be saved. We never talked again. And that was a 7-year friendship. Not a short period of time if you ask me.

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So it occurred to me how ridiculously cruel life is. One moment you thought this one person would be the one to witness the rest of your life with you, would share the ups and downs of the future with you like they had done your past. Until that moment passed us by and something like a brick of fate came to existence and it was thrown at us and the castle of friendship fell down. The walls weren’t as strong. Maybe they were, maybe it was that we underestimated the force of nature.

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What was even beyond that was the realization of how that person you thought was your closest person, never for once tried to save the friendship. You never realized that until it hit you. How you had to put it into words how you desperately wanted this to work, how you never wanted this to end, how 7 years meant to you, how everything you’ve shared throughout a part of your life to them, how you poured your heart and soul talking about how this fight would end it all. Just to receive a “me too” but nothing more. You realize you could stay for somebody no matter how hard the circumstances were, no matter how inconvenient it would be for you, just because you cared so much for that person, you appreciated the friendship between you two so much, you just couldn’t let it break. Until you realize you’re fighting a losing battle.

It never leaves you, the feeling of losing a close friend. And for that you have to accept.