Here I am once again, to write my feelings and thoughts out. It has been a while since the last time i wrote something on here. But tonight, i feel the need to write it all out.

It's currently 11:35pm.
And tonight is going to be a rough night, i can tell.
Tonight i will face my demons again, one by one, each one staring me down.
Tonight i will drown in my own fears again.
Tonight i will feel like i can't breathe again,
and my lungs will be filled up
with air, suffocating me slowly,
The same air that should be keeping me alive.

But tonight will be a little bit different than the nights before.
Because tonight i am prepared for it.
I know what could happen to me.
I might get anxiety attacks, but i am prepared.

These kind of nights pass by slowly.
These nights are lonely and so empty.
The silence is killing me then,
but it's not the silence itself.
It's the fact that my thoughts are louder than the silence of the night,
it almost makes me want to rip my ears off.

Do you know how it feels like to be lost?
Being lost feels like an emptiness that's living inside of you.
This emptiness feeds off of your body.
And you're desperately trying to fill it up with anything you can grab or see.
But you feel emptier day by day and night by night.

Being lost feels like something is detached from yourself.
Like losing your hand.
Your brain has always known that there was a hand in that missing place,
but your body doesn't seem to understand it.
This is the same for losing a piece of yourself,
knowing that there was a piece of you in that empty space that's now there.
Your brain and body won't make sense of it.

Tonight will be differently, because i know this time, for certainty, that i am going to make it out alive.
I am going to survive this night.
The silence won't be enough to silent these thoughts in my head, but I know i will survive the night. Just like all the other empty nights.
But this time i know it for sure.
Because i have survived it once, and i will survive it again.

And so can you.
You will survive it too, my friend.
Just don't forget to breathe.