Today, one can see increasing openness about mental health issues on social media. People open up aboout having had, or currently going through mental health issues such as depression or eating disorders.

I am wrtitng this article, because I have no one in my circle, to whom I feel comfortable talking about this, but I want to share my thoughts and...Maybe even get some help...

I have vagualy mentioned having mental ups and downs in my past articles, and wroiten about how to improve one's mental state.

But currently, I don't feel capable of giving anyone any kind of advice on this topic, since my only resort on the never ending " bad days" has been sleep and YouTube, meaning that I hardly do anything productive. My sleep patterns have also been weird, and I am feeling sad an hopless, I'd say about 80% od the time.

black and white image

I have a ton of books to read, but I don't have the energy for that. I have an unfinished drawing, but I don't want to even look at it.

Today, I managed to o two piles of laundry, and hoover the first floor, because I was asked to do so. And I've sent a job aplication.

coffee, laptop, and working image

Recently, I lost someone who I thought was my best friend, and my first love, but ended up leaving with the words "I simply don't care."
My brother constantly tells me to get out of his room, and said that everyone is tired of me.

Mum said that I am really hard to be around, because to her, me being silent, equals me being angry, when in reality, I just don't know what to respond, when I'm told that I have to controll my food intake, and can't wear the clothing I like, becase my stomach is not well enough toned.. And that is at a weight of 51 kilograms.
But when I try to defend myself, then I'm being rude and should know my place.

And the worst part, is my brain. Oh, my lovely overthinking machine with an almost photographic memory. You see, instead of anger towards the person who hurts me, my brain turns the anger toward me.

So if someone said I'm difficult to be arround, and my friends are busy with their lives and can't meet, that I am a horrible person, I should keep to myself at all times, and "stop annoying everyone".

Yes. I am annoying everyone, I'm ugly and fat, and no one will ever love me....I am boring and stupid, and weird, and unlovable.

Why? Because I do not drink, I don't party. I read books and draw, and write poems. That's why.
These are the kind of thougs that I have daily.

I don't know what to do with myself. Is this a common thing? Is there someone else who feels, or has felt this way? Is this normal? What should I do...?
If you guys have any suggestions or thougts you'd like to share, please dm me. :)