It's so weird. Look I'm not gonna lie, it's weird that it is the first time i'm feeling like this. Im rather "old" to be feeling like this for the first time, but i think that's what happens to the queer kids.

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I never had a chance to exactly go through the typical high school super crush, broken heart story. I realized i liked girls well into high school and finally accepted it until university so, not a lot of time to really have those experiences.

I've written about her, her song and her laugh. Her curls. And I saw her again today.

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It's so weird. i know how bad she is for me. But damn. Isn't this the cliché shit we see every day? Girl knows boy is bad but damn he's so good. But now he is a she. And damn she's good.

I hated this narrative growing up. i always liked nerdy boys. Never understood it. Until, well, today when I wanted to fucking kiss her like no one was watching.

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I'm personally in a such better place than I was when I met her. I know my worth. I know I deserve better. But you can't just fool your feelings. You may fool your head, i've always been good at that.

And, oh her, not her, but other her. The one I fell for this vacations. O, she appeared out of nowhere. A dream, that quickly reminded me that she was too good to be true. And just like that is gone.

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And yet here I am. Between a girl that wants me and I know is no good for me, and another one that doesn't want me but is o so good for me. I don't know how to react. I don't know what to do. Should I live this stupidity to mature? Or am I mature enough to avoid it?