today was the last day of summer I start college tomorrow and..... I'm not prepared at all. other than the fact that I didn't wake up all the way until around 2 or 3 it was a perfect last day of summer I got to visit my bf for the first time in 3 weeks. it was kinda amazing I missed him so much and there were so many buffer files in my stomach I was freaking out in the uber on the way there. he looked so handsome in his black tee & shorts rocking his bald cut, tattoo, rosy cheeks and his perfect smile. feelings his big soft hands all over my body driving me crazy wishing I could go home with him or at least have a little more time but it wasn't long before I had to come back home but the hour or so I got with him brightened my day and I couldn't have wished for a better last day of summer. I love that boy with all my heart but sometimes things are tough. mainly because sometimes I feel like there is a wall stopping me from expressing how I truly feel. I know it hurts him saying that I can't talk to him about my feelings. I'm not sure what stops me but it sucks because it fucks with my emotions not being able to just be real with my own boyfriend. so, I thought I would start by writing some of the feelings on here just to help get me started and then hopefully I can try to break down the wall I feel with my boyfriend. I just want to be alone for a few days and figure out how I feel about him my heart just feels so numb. I cry when I write that because I know it true being with him IRL I feel the connection seeing his handsomeness. But, my heart stills go back to being numb. I wish i knew how to fix this feeling in my heart I think it is a long-distance relationship that makes it harder for both of us. this is just the first article I have written so, I hope to get better at writing because I know this was all over the place. also today 2 years and 2 months he asked me to be his girlfriend <3 <3 - genie 8.25.19