I get lost in emptiness whenever I stop thinking. Whenever I stop distracting my mind with irrelevance. When my mind gets quiet and I’m stuck with nothing but my own self, I realize that I do not know who I am and that mostly, I am afraid of figuring it out.
I hear something inside of me screaming in rage, in despair, in feelings that haunt me. It is a scream that I just want to hush. I am part of a constant battle in which I am my own enemy.

My mind is a storm, a tornado. Taking in every thought, every feeling that crosses its path, no matter how dark or how twisted. Anything that’ll fill this unbearable emptiness within.
Yet somehow, a peek of clear skies is what I see when I look ahead. Is what I know is coming for me, but only when I’ll be ready to make room in my mind for it.

“Without a worry”. It’s the state of mind I should be in because I know I am at reach of my dreams, for everything I desire is in the palm of my hands. If only I could let go of my demons and live in the moment, the now;

“The present: the period of time now occurring”. The period of time where my fear meets my hope.
I am the past, I am the future. I am fading just as I am becoming. I am confused. I am confident. I am oh so many things. Unfortunately all at once. Or maybe, fortunately...
Maybe I am a tornado; maybe I am a storm, a mess. But maybe, just maybe I am a beautiful mess, a storm with a rainbow.
Maybe I had to be wrecked. Without wrecks, there would be no light shining through the cracks. It takes pain to know joy. Hurt is needed to become stronger, to acknowledge that things weren’t as right, to create a balance.
And maybe that is it, that is the only explanation why.
Maybe I was meant to fall, so I could fly above.
After all, I might have suffered, I might have been mistreated, lost, hurt
but I remained with a heart of gold.
Since I am still standing, I remain undefeated. Since I still have dreams, hopes,
since I still feel, I remain alive.

-N. M.