I Have Battles I Wouldn't Want You To See
& I Always Want People To See The Best In Me
But If You'd See The Real Me You'd See Something Inside That's Been Festering In Me
For Years
It's Been Eating Me Alive
& They'll Tell Me Just Pray About It & Talk To A Therapist
But Everything They Suggested I've Already Tried
The First Time I Got Asked If I Was Suicidal I Lied
I Hid The Depression With Fake Smiles & Laughs
Because Id Rather That Then Have Them Labeling Me As Mentally Ill
I Kept My Cuts Hidden Under My Sleeves
Even When The Sun Was Shining I Saw Gray Clouds Instead
& Some Times Along The Way I Started Feeling Like Hanging Myself With A Rope So I Can Slip Away Into The After Life Where I Actually Wanted To Be
Because I Hated This Place & I Hate It Still
I Felt Suicidal Because No One Ever Cared For Me Or How I Feel
I Remember Every Time I'd Be Sitting With People Or Family
I Wouldn't Say Much As They Would Talk & Laugh Around Me
No One Would Ever Ask Me Am I Ok Or Even Say Hey To Me
& Even If Anyone Asked I Would Just Tell Them I'm Fine & Turn My Head Shamefully
Being With My Family Just Didn't Feel The Same To Me
Because Basically I Wasn't The Same Me
I Want So Bad To Stand Up & Scream For Someone To Save Me
I Needed Help I Just Didn't Know Who To Turn To
So Many Bad Relationships That My Heart Went Through
The Fact That I Always Wondered If Real Love Existed Or Maybe Love Just Wasnt For Me
Either Way I Was In A Place I Never Want To Be
& It All Started At A Young Age When I Saw Things That I Wish I'd Never Seen
& Seeing My Sister Lifeless Effected Me Mentally
Those Few Moments Of Horror Felt Like A Century
All The Years After Was Just A Lot Of Pain & Loneliness Have Been Clinging To Me
& I Wish I Would Have Never Opened My Heart
Those Memories Aren't Something I Can Return To Sender
Even In The Summer My Life Feels Like Winter
& All The Things That I've Seen I'll Take To My Grave
& I Wish I Could've Saved You Toveet
& I Wish Someone Would Save Me Too
But I've Gotten Really Good At Building & Putting Up A Wall That No One Can Break Through
& I Thought Those Pills & Prayers Would Help Me Get Through
But They Never Do
I'm 25 Now But Every Time I Close My Eyes I Still Go Back To That Terrifying Day When I Was Just A Kid
& I Believed That Nothing Will Be Right With Me That's Why I Shut Down & I Still Do It Now
But I Guess I'm Not As Strong As People Think I Am
I Thought I Had My Life All Figured Out
But I Put My Fences Up
& The Demons Still Snuck Across That Border
Every Day I End Up Face Down Fighting Demons In My Head
I've Gotten So Tired Of Fighting I Just Wish They'd Just Leave Me For Dead
& If You Haven't Been There For Through The Pain I Don't I Don't Expect Your Understand & Sympathy Because To Me You're Just As Dead
But I Won't Let This Pain Mold Me
& I Won't Let The Devil & His Demons Hold Me
& I'm Not Feeding Into The Hate That This World Is Trying To Sell Me
Now I'm Back On My Feet & Walking Away From The Toxic Me
& I No Longer Believe The Things That Those Demons Whispered To Me
I Started Believing In Me Instead
& For The First Time In Years I Finally Feel Like I'm No Longer Dead
Because To Me Death Isn't Just A Body That's Lifeless
It's Also My Life When I Strife & Stress
The Devil Caught Me By Depression But I Caught Myself & Brought Me Back To My Best
Nobody Helped Me I Was The Only Reason Why I Pulled Myself Out Of Bead
& I'm The Only Reason Why I Now Have Hope For A Better Tomorrow
I Stopped Listening To The Voices Inside My Head Feeding Into The Devil's Words Of Sorrow
& I Started Listening To My Heart Instead
After All I've Been Through I Got My Life Back & I No Longer Feel Dead
I Brought Life To Me,
More Life Than The Cuts & Pills Could Bring
Now I'm Showing The Devil That He Can No Longer Silence Me
You're Muzzle Of Medication & Lies Can Not Stop Me Now
I Won't Let The Weight Of This Hateful World Get Me Down
Because Now I'm Better Than I've Ever Been
I'm Like Muhammad Ali,
The World's Greatest
& I'm Never Going Back,
I Have Faith Right Here
I Have No Fear,
I Have No Worries & No Depression
I Used To Believe The Devil But Now I Know That All He Said Was Lies To Me
So I'm No Longer Listening To His Words In My Head,
He's Dead To Me
He Died When I Found Me
I'm Alive, My Vision Is Clear Now I Can See
I Can Breathe & When I Breathe I Breathe Freely Without The Fear Of Suffocating
I'm On A Permanent Healthier Mental, Spiritual & Physical State Vacation
I'm Running This Track Of Faith & Best Believe I'm Winning
& No One & Nothing Will Stop Me Now
& No Depression Will Keep Me Down
Because I Was Lost But I Promise Now I'm Found
I'm Walking With My Head Up Proud & I'm Forgetting How It Feels Like To Walk With My Head Down To The Ground
Because Angel Has Me & I Have Her
I'm No Longer Defined By The Shame Of The Pain That I Was In
I'm No Longer A Picture Of The Scars On My Skin
But Rather The Wins & Accomplishments That I've Achieved Since Then
I'm Defined By Righteousness
I'm Finally Seeing That My Life Is Priceless
& There's Hope In It & I No Longer Have To Live A Life Of Loneliness
I've Walked Through The Shadows Of Death & I Never Let It Take My Best
You See Writing & Music Gave Me & Saved My Life
I Put On My Headphones & Picked Up A Pin & Paper & Put Down The Knife
I Released All My Pain & Locked Up All My Demons
& Now When I Look In The Mirror & See Myself I See A Beautiful Happy Face
I Don't Need No Defense Because This Is My Life & I'm Not Ashamed
I'm Living Up To My Name
Free, Forgiving
Now I'm No Longer Depressed & When I See Me I See A Real Angel,
A Healing Angel