A Civil War of an Indigenous Person

It's like the ticking anxiety of not doing your homework, instead you tend to draw your attention to social media or the outside world.

You know you should be studying but you seem to give your interests to other things because you enjoy them more in this very moment, or many moments.

So,
as an Indigenous person from New Zealand (Māori), I sometimes find myself conflicted on what to do in a few minutes, or tomorrow, in the not-so-distant-future, and in the future far ahead.

Like,
Should I honour my people and listen to classical or renaissance hip hop/reggae Māori music. Or, continue listening to western music such as Khalid, Billie Eilish, Willow, and Clean Bandit, to name some.

Should I learn my language and culture, or should I focus on my other influential culture.

Should I dive into the Te Ao (Māori) World, or develop my own sense of Māori culture in the midst of a western society, where both my identities could go hand in hand.

How about, should I date a Māori or White guy?

These everyday decisions that can be overwhelming can be reduced or they can parade.
I believe that with the heavy western influence coming from America and from Britain (due to their large part of colonising Aotearoa, New Zealand ). With the luxuries that we all have now, as we as humans have evolved. We are complex in every way imaginable and we have conflicting and difficult scenarios that we play through everyday. And I believe it increases as an Indigenous person or a person who is stuck in the middle of two or multiple identities.

This is a continuous Civil War that feels never ending. All I know and feel is that we need to learn and explore ourselves, aside from the influences outside of ourselves.

Destiny <3