They say life is like a rollercoaster.
Well if thats true, I'm the wheels under the cart.
And life is the cart, with the speed, the speed of life, dragging me over the rail.

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I guess you could say I'm a master manipulator, not because I'm just that cockily good but because humans are just that good in wanting to see their own truth; that they translate it to manipulation.
And that is fine, I guess because at least that way I don't have to convince myself that I'm okay.
Instead I just laugh it off, and you all join me.
Out of manipulation, right?

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Maybe I have, reached my breaking point.
I talk about the most gruesome and tragic stuff as if it's my hobby.
And I can see their faces when I do, but sadly I don't care.
It is like I'm feeding of the dark, cloudy energy and appalled faces to fill up my own dullness and emptiness.

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And that's when I realized I haven't reached my breaking point, because I'm still looking for ways to help myself, to stuff my body with emotions.
And no, I am surely not fixing myself in a healthy way, but doesn't trying count for something too?

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Believe me when I say they try to notice, well they pretend to notice.
They always notice, just a tiny moment just enough to give you a spark of hope right before snatching that and times three out of you.

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So slowly this earth globe is deteriorating and with that shrinking, it's becoming like a snow globe around me.

My vision span is becoming more smaller an duller.
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Maybe it is a good thing, because that way the only thing I will be able to see is straight ahead of me. And that way I can only go by what I truly feel and not by what I manipulate myself to see.

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So is it the effort that counts?

Lena
Lena
@lena_smit00