๐ป๐๐๐๐ ๐ป๐๐๐๐, the fall term is just around the corner, and I am a mixture of both excitement and stress. Iโm simultaneously prepared and unprepared, but Iโve been watching โBack to Schoolโ YouTube videos so itโs almost okay.
Day 24: ๐๐ณ๐ช๐ต๐ฆ ๐ข๐ฃ๐ฐ๐ถ๐ต ๐ข ๐ญ๐ฆ๐ด๐ด๐ฐ๐ฏ ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ'๐ท๐ฆ ๐ญ๐ฆ๐ข๐ณ๐ฏ๐ฆ๐ฅ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ฉ๐ข๐ณ๐ฅ ๐ธ๐ข๐บ
I shouldnโt sacrifice my peace for those who are committed to misunderstanding me, or simply donโt care. It becomes exhausting. Iโve met people who I desperately wanted to befriend. Especially in high school, and particularly in my senior year. I would try to like what they liked, to act as they would, out of the possibility that maybe theyโd notice me and it (whatever โitโ was) would blossom from there. Except, the more I pretended to be someone who I knew wasnโt, the more lost I felt. It became tiring after a while. Being surrounded by all these seemingly interesting people with their equally interesting backgrounds, I wanted to be just as cool. Attempting to fit myself into a box as if I were some contortionist. I spent so much time trying to be what they wanted, doing the things they expected of me. That I forgot who I was at heart, and what I needed. I had unknowingly sacrificed myself. Constantly being so mindful of the other person that I consequently forgot about what I wanted. And I wanted to think for myself, to speak in conversations on topics I actually cared about, to be left alone when I wanted to be alone. When I finally acknowledged these festering emotions I began to cut certain people out of my life. People who ultimately werenโt good for my health. I learned that no matter the cost, I shouldnโt have to sacrifice my well being to pacify someone else. I eventually understood that I didnโt owe anyone anything.
๐ฟ๐ถ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐น๐, ๐ต๐
-หหโโโโโโโโโโโโโโ
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