Everything I've ever wanted has seemed so unobtainable and even wrong. Growing up I used to think I'm a selfish person for wanting success for myself instead of a traditional humble life. That wasn't my fault, that's just what I was taught to believe. Today I'm shamelessly putting all my dreams into words as an act of self love and claiming them as life goals.

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I want to be fit because I want to model. I want to travel, do photoshoots in beautiful places and look & feel my best in them.

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How?
I need to focus on discipline over current mood. I'm never in the mood to workout but my body needs it, so I should take the time to do it as a form of self care. I need to set a minimum of 3-4 workouts a week. That way I have a short term goal every week. Each week counts towards the long term goal.

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I want to have a successful cosmetic business. I want to have my own makeup brand because makeup has always been my favorite form of creativity and I want to put out the products I wish to see in the industry. I want to see people using my product in their own creative ways.

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How? I need to figure out what I want to produce and find a vendor who will supply me with those products. Or I could buy ingredients and make them myself. I need a website, ads and promotion, a sanitary environment/ office where I can make my products and work on selling them. To even begin working on it I need to have money saved. So before anything else I need to work and save until I have enough to invest in my future brand.

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I want to heal from past trauma. I want to be a strong, confident, fearless woman. I need to stop pitying myself because it's the 'humble' thing to do. I have what it takes and everyone who belittled and hurt me can't do it anymore unless I let them. Sure, I'd love to rub it in their noses when I succeed but I have to be the bigger person and focus on better things than revenge. Just like getting fit, it's the many small steps that take you there so I just need to focus on one issue at a time.

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-insecurity
-fear of the future
-pain
-grudges
And those aren't even half of them. I work everyday on those things and I've been seeing progress over the past year. I truly believe I'm on a good path and bettering myself every day.

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I want a family, but I don't want a regular life. I grew up in a small minded environment. I was told how my life was supposed to go pretty much at the very beginning of it. "Welcome to the world. You can't do anything about your toxic family but to live with it. You're a girl so you should know how to cook and clean for your future man and children. You're into girls? We don't accept that. You'll marry a man and give him children. You don't want kids? You're a shame to us and you'll regret it later if you don't do it." This is what I was growing up with. I wanted to want this life everyone else desired but I cried at the thought every night. I want to be myself. I want to be open about being bi and I want people and my family to see me as more than a walking uterus. So what can I do?

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I want to help people and animals. When I said I don't want a regular family I meant I want to give a chance to those who are already here on this overcrowded planet that judges you based on how you look and your background. The animals who won't get adopted because they have missing limbs; The children who don't get to have a mom and dad because they were born into poverty and were given up on. How can I do that? By having a good home and steady income so I can support my family. That's where the success of my makeup brand will come in handy. I'd also love to have a supportive partner by my side but I won't rely on other people's approval - that's where getting over my fear of losing people and insecurities will have to play a role. Above all, I need to know I'm strong enough to do it.

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This one hits hard! Having a vagina doesn't come with motherly instincts. I can wish for other things in life.

So these are my current biggest goals. They're all connected in one or more ways. Everything goes down to taking it one step at a time and being disciplined. I am bigger than my fears, stronger than my setbacks, more than a stereotypical woman in the 21st century and much tougher than a glass ceiling. And so are You!

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