This week, my parents have been gone. It's been just me and my brothers, and my pastor who has been watching us. Before my parents left for their vacation, I told myself that I would do everything normal. That I would accomplish all my goals, and then some.
Here's what happened:

1.) I LIED

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I lied to myself. I sometimes think, "I don't need my parents, I would still do all my stuff without them. I'm prepared for life."

Bitch idk wtf I was thinking, but that definitley was not it. This mindset of being better without accountability is a terrible thing that has screwed up my abilities to actually be accountable.


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I ate...a lot. And not good food. When my parents are home, I do binge quite frequently, but it's on "healthy" things, like pretzels or bread or peanut butter (Not necessarily "healthy" but not junk food.)
No. This week, it was pizza, ice cream, soda, energy drinks, chips, etc. I spent a looot of money on it too. Sure, I had granola and trail mix and eggs. (Still not really great for you). But most of the time, junk food. I had a headache for two days in a row, and today I feel like I'm going to throw up. I feel groggy and gross. Now I really do see how diet affects you. How bad it can make me feel. I didn't really think much of it when my mom tried to talk to me about it, but now that I've had the chance to see the affects of it, I know what she's talking about.


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I was constantly on the computer. Watching Grey's Anatomy, laughing at memes, writing articles on WHI, on Youtube. I did the dishes once a day. I only started on laundry yesterday and today because my parents are coming back tonight. Other than that, I have done nothing. I vaccumed once, cleaned the counters once, And then I went back upstairs and wasted time. I slacked on homework (I didn't have a lot, so it was okay, but didn't study for quizzes) And you know what? Being on the computer so much makes me feel empty. It gets kind of boring. When that happens, I kind of just stare at the ceiling. I don't have anything to do on the computer, but I don't want to get up and be productive. So I just half-heartedly spend hours doing nothing. Maybe some of you know what this is like, but I don't have a phone, so normally I'm not constantly on electronics. But when I had my computer all the time, that's all I did. And this also contributed to my poor health.


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Several times, I didn't put in my retainers at night. Several times, I didn't wash my face. Several times, I didn't put on my acne meds. The list goes on and on. I would wake up and there's be makeup on my pillow and mascara smudged under my eye. You could barely walk around in my room, because I was so franticly trying to get ready for school in the morning and didn't have time to put stuff away.


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I stayed up late every night, just because I could. And in the morning, I would wake up late and scramble to get ready. My neighbors would have to wait in the driveway when they came to pick me up because I couldn't find my shoes or my binder. I left the house everyday feeling as if I forgot something. And for the rest of the day, I would be hella tired and foggy and not at my best. Today is a very good example.
Last night, I actually went to bed early because I had a pounding migraine. I woke up late this morning and by the time my neighbor came to pick me up, I was not dressed and my hair wasn't done. I threw leggings on and a hoodie over my pjs. At school I threw my hair up into a messy bun. Yes, sometimes it's nice to stay in pajamas all day, but this was different. I felt uncomfortable and not put together in any way.


I learned several things. I actually read and finished a book in this week. I wrote a lot. Even though I was tired and felt empty, I did feel happy because I let myself go. This kind of happiness is not meant to last long, and I do not recommend it be your source of happiness, because it doesn't feel good after awhile. But I did feel better about knowing I didn't have to do all my chores or whatever when I got home, because normally I dread having to do it. This made me realize that I need to stop dreading it. I need to know that it needs to be done. That is all. It's a part of life. I learned that I need my parents, especially my mom. She is the one who pushes me, and I give her so much crap for it, all the time. She's the one on my skin care, on me for not eating gluten, for doing my chores. I need her here to push me, but more importantly, I need to do it for me. Not for her. But me, because this is my life and someday I am going to grow up and move out. And this week is not what I want my future to look like. I learned that I need to be my own parent, because one day I'm not going to have a parent with me 24/7 to make sure everything gets done. I need to push myself. I do not want to be this way when I move out. I need to grow up. I do need to be pushed, and I've learned to appreciate my mother's role in that. I need to learn to love being challenged, because I am so comfortable with being comfortable....until comfortable becomes uncomfortable.

Even though this week has been a disaster, I think it's the wake up call I needed.

Thanks for reading