Being happy is not an infinite state of mind for me. It comes but it also goes.
And it may not seem like a good idea to write something to your happy self when your in an bad mindspace. And maybe it isn' tbut I need her to hear.

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So do we sometimes, happy-me

Yes this is an odd article and yes this is mainy a message to myself, current and future. But I know there's people out there who feel like this.
I'm not the only one who is lonely even though it may seem like that to me.

But that's not relevant when you feel like that. Not believable. And it doesn't have to be.
Happy-me isn't afraid that it'll get bad again. Which I think is brave of her because when it does get bad the on;y thing I can think about is if it will get good again. Or better at least.

There's a rational part of my mind that knows it will. It has to because even worse doesn't seem to exist.

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though I know it does I've been there too

This is just an easy numb feeling, I can lay in bed all day and it's fine but if I have to I'll go about my day in an orderly fashion without a problem too.
And my rationality is still somewhat intact, that's why I know it can get worse.
Which is also scary.

But on the flipside I know that it can also get better. I know that happy-me exists and that she is fighting alongside me right now to get back up.

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I know that we're strong and I know that a depressive episode isn't the end.
I'm so glad that I know that know because there was a time where I'd forgotten it.

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A time I saw one end only.

Luckily I'm past that. Luckily we're past that.

Hell it wasn't easy. It will never be. I fought to get where I am. I still am.

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I'm fully aware that this is a lifelong fight, but I'm fully up for it.

I know what happy-me would tell me:
Sadness, depression, emptiness. All of those feelings are okay. They're allowed to be felt. Don't push yourself too hard to push them out. But don't wallow in them. Feel it.
But know it's a feeling, feelings are not permanent.
I know she's right
that may be the most annoying part

I miss my happy self. She's motivated. I hope I can get back to her soon.
This time I will remember to appreciate her.

Temporarily removed
I'll find her and I'll tell her she's loved.