Shy smiles and passing notes in class- that's how it all began. Two 14 year olds that didn't know how important they would become to each other…
On sleepy mornings while starring at the board our knees would sometimes touch fortuitously under the school desk, but we wouldn't pull away. We were always laughing and joking around but sometimes between giggling you would suddenly become quiet and we glanced into each others eyes full of curiosity for one another.
In these short moments I would notice your eyes, bright green eyes with golden spreckles that would appear when they were filled with light... But then we would shyly turn our heads.
Although we weren't able to hold these glances, our curiosity for each other only grew over time. In four years we learned so much about each other and were so intrigued. One day you gave me a leather bracelet, that I never took off until it was so worn out that it eventually just ripped. Still I kept it like my most precious treasure.

After those four years a lot had changed… we had grown up. You were already working and I was busier than ever during my last year of high school. After all this time we were finally able to look into each others eyes and not turn our heads away like the naive school kids we once were.
We eventually confessed our feelings. Finally I was your girl- and never before had I been happier than in the moments you kissed me and called me your angel from then on.

Lost love, now six months later I can still see myself waking up joyful to a "Good morning, beautiful!" text everyday and sitting in class exitedly awaiting the evening when you were off from work and I could finally be wrapped in your arms again. What a fool I was, believing it would always be like this. You and me.

Lost love of mine, I miss your touch.
Lost love, I miss our long walks, dancing through the streets hand in hand, latern lights shining on your face.
Lost love, I miss how you taught me so much about the things you were working on and listening to you talking with so much passion about the things that have your interest.
Lost love, I miss how you would kiss the side of my neck and whisper sweet promises.
Lost love, I miss sitting next to you in your car, singing horribly to our favourite songs together.
Lost love, I miss how you would always tickle me because you said that you just wanted to see me laugh all the time.
Lost love, I miss falling asleep on your chest to the calming sound of your heartbeat.

Love doesn't make you blind but it makes you see a person in different colours and shades than everyone else.
I hated when people told me that you are a "bad boy" and I shouldn't be with you. They just didn't know you like I do.
But when those people now ask me, why things ended between us, I can't even give them a concrete answer. Things started going downhill.
We fought over stupid things. You carry insecurities within you and want things from others that you need to find for yourself. I kept too much to myself while you wanted to discuss everything. I guess regarding our end... "guilt" is shared.

Now I am moving on. But there are still days when I begin to cry for no particular reason. And I still wear your hoodie some lonely nights although it has lost your scent.
Other times I find myself thinking about something you said and it's not until moments later that I realize I shouldn't think about our past.
I breathe in and shake my head as if I could erase the haunting memories that way.
When something amazing happens, you are the first person I want to share the news with and when something sad happens, I want you to wipe my tears away and I long to hear your voice telling me "it's going to be okay."...

After these thoughts have passed my mind, I blink, but this time around there are no more tears rolling down my cheeks. I blink again. I begin to understand why our ending is for the best.

Lost love of mine: thank you for our shared story but now it's time for me to turn the page and open a new chapter.

Love, Lea