Once, I was told, "you can't love someone because you don't even love yourself".

I believed in this for a long time, but then, I met her.

Our first conversations were by letter. Even though it's 2019, and we've been dirtying our writing as the seasons change, I could tell she was different. She wrote almost poetically.

But even with every soft and carefully chosen word, there was an intense fog. I couldn't see further. She left in me the desire of knowing more, and so, we started messaging.

It became something included in my daily routine. I wanted to know how she was doing, what she was doing, if she was eating well or if I could help her with something.

She had amazing grades, she was smart, kind, beautiful. I wanted to keep up with her, maybe like that she would take an interest in me. She inspired me to work hard.

There was something intriguing about her. Everything seemed always fine, but those laughs and smiles weren't 100% true.

As I got to know new sides of her I understood something. She was just like me. A little flower in this giant garden of weeds. And I fell in love with her.

She was insecure. She was fragile. She was scared. She felt lonely sometimes. She wanted shelter from every nightmare she had lived and still terrorised her. But she also didn't want help. Worrying other people with her problems wasn't something she did.

She hid those feeling. Every terrifying, frustrating, sad and sour flavour was kept for herself. She got scars and broken pieces in her, but that didn't extinguish her light.

As I said before, we are similar.

I also have scars. I also have traumas from past lovers and fears collected from experience. I also have issues and my self-esteem isn't as good as I may show. I also cry, scream and feel like dying sometimes. I also get frustrated by how everything around me works. And I also keep everything for myself. Every night without sleep, crying rivers and having all those sad songs with the volume high. Falling in despair.

That's how our relationship works now. We both know our fears, we both have times when everything is upside down, but we support each other. I love her and I make it clear every day. I want to make her happy and remind her of every amazing aspect of her.

For the first time of my life, I feel loved. Every thought of failure and insecurity disappeared. I love every smile, every word that comes out of her mouth. I love her voice, her laughs. I love her brown bright eyes and her rebel hair. I love everything about her that she doesn't like and everything she does likes. As time passes by I fall deeper in love with her.

I love her and I won't get tired of saying.

I love you,
to my beloved

-Akash