Welcome to my morning tea!

Oh, it's not morning where you live? That's okay, you can still drink something else.

Today i'm here to talk about something way really important and i think it deserves everyone's attention, even for a little of my monologue here.
Not really a monologue, you can argue with me if you want towards your computer screen, i'll certainly hear it.

I am into anime world since i was basically 9/10, today i am 15 and i always had that impression, that strange thought that appeared from nowhere, that strange awkward feeling of never seeing myself into that amazing world.

And by that i mean i was never represented once.

When i saw my friends talking about representation, what they meant was way different of what i meant in that era. They were represented by the character's determination or their personalities in general and sometimes their appearance favored the character's cosplay, their truly essence of a human being.

I tried to brush away these thoughts that kept lingering inside my brain because when i tried to argue about it, my friends always came with the same response,

"you are way too much."

"that doesn't matter in anime world."

"you are here to watch or look into the mirror?"

"you're so a victim of society! it's just fiction."

and by then, one of them would say,
"i look like this character and i love it, i can cosplay it anytime i want."

"seriously, i wanna cosplay this man,"

"this character is just like me haha!"

and when i looked at tokyo ghoul, when i looked at shingeki no kyojin, one punch man, zankyou no terror, noragami, boku no hero, bungo stray dogs i realized that

i looked like no one.

if i was ever representaded, i was being ridicularized with extremely ugly or nonsense features, just to make people laugh at me, laugh at people like me.

it's basically the same thing as no black or dark skinned people roles in TV and when you finally archieve one, you are a thief or a comical release character.

just to clear the situation, i quoted some animes and maybe some of them do have black or dark skinned people but they are FAR away from the principal ones.

and to explain to you, my lovely reader, how happy i was to cosplay mizuki from dramatical murder or kirishima from boku no hero i would need at least one more hundred of these pages, but to set clear, i almost exploded!! fuhdsfuh

i saw 2 or 3 dark skinned/black people cosplaying kirishima, i saw 5 artist that drew him as a dark skinned character. this truly painted a blue tainted sky, without any dark clouds or clouds in general, a bright yellow filled with hope inside my soul, i was radiant;

anime, kirishima, and all might image
anime, beautiful, and cosplay image

that can seem like nothing to you but the world to me, man.

i felt bigger when i saw these drawings, i felt stronger and i felt like i could cosplay anyone i want without being scared of literally tear apart or break the character because of my color.

can you imagine how hard it hits?

that's why i'm making this post. it's serious that people feel like this. i know there are people out there struggling to cosplay or draw a certain character that way because they can't see their character on them.

have you ever heard

"you can't, you're black."

"you a n****, how do you expect you look like them? they are white/asian."

"yeah i know you love them and stuff but you can't cosplay them."

"yeah! do it! but it'll turn out ugly, i guess..."

"it... it just won't fit, you know...?"

"yes, you can, haha. but you know... well... i... you see, i have no problem with you! you are gorgeous but... there's something wrong with your color..."

i heard these a lot JIFDISJFJI.

this is racism. we shouldn't be facing it.

it truly hurts. this is why i never did any cosplay without feeling guilty and/or ugly. "forcing people to look at this disgusting body that has NOTHING with the character."

it isn't true.

cosplaying/drawing/painting/singing for/dancing for... whatever! they are all forms of showing your love, man! you shouldn't stop because of these type of comments! you are exposing your love and lowkey stepping on that stair, the process of loving yourself!

it doesn't matter who you are.

being black, asian, white, maori and etc. shouldn't stop you from being yourself and loving the character. they mean something to you so just go ahead! it'll turn out beautiful, pure, amazing. go for it, man! i'll be here cheering for ya.

doug and gangsta image
i'll cosplay doug someday, i promise!

".. - / - .-. ..- .-.. -.-- / .... ..- .-. - ... --..-- / -... ..- - / -.-- --- ..- / -.-. .- -. / --. . - / --- ...- . .-. / .. - --..-- / -- .- -. .-.-.-"

My experience with racism

so, you see doug from gangsta right?

i did two things with my hair: a imitation of his braids (i think it's box braids?) when it was 2015 i guess? but i didn't did it because of him, but i did it because of mink from dramatical murder haha. i was going to cosplay him but i stopped midway because of what i am about to tell.

and a while after i did "african braids" (i think that's not the name in english... struggling)

and in these two transformations i suffered physically, emotionally and soul-ly.

people used to bully me a LOT. at first, they were a little cautious at me. i wasn't sure why but they just looked at me with strange eyes and did strange moviments at me.

for example, if i was standing in front of the board to get the check from my homework and i was bothering someone, they would throw something near me or would start to dance or bounce their hands at me, but they never used their voice at me.

if they were going to warn me that someone was calling me, they would get closer and gently pat or touch my shoulder and point at that someone.

one day, there were amounts of girls together (i knew one of them, i considered her my "friend") and she started to almost yell something but i was occupied with something else so i didn't paid attention.

"hey, you!"

i looked at the girl's direction and i boldly said, "me?"

so, almost there that it started.

that friend told me that people thought i was deaf or mute so they were kinda grossed out and afraid(?).

so when they noticed i wasn't deaf or mute they started to pull my hair, commit racism with me, try to cut some parts of my hair out and etc.

i suffered these for idk 4 years? my parents never know, and still like that. i don't want to get them worried and besides, i fought people back then when i noticed it wasn't just a play around with me.

if you are suffering from this, don't do it like me. warn someone, do something, if possible, switch schools, get protection or protect yourself or both, report it. do something.

you matter, ok?

you beautiful, man.

kinda long but yeah! i finished my tea. do you want some cake?