So... It's here.
I was waiting for it. I knew it's gonna come one day, and it's finally here. I don't really know whether to be excited or scared. It's quite a change, not gonna lie.

Of course it's like any other birthdays. They ask: How are you feeling? Older? Different? and I honestly answer: I feel just the same. No big difference. But it's gonna hit me, sooner or later.

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I am not "teen" anymore, jeez. Time really does fly fast. I can't believe that 20 years ago I weighted as much as my cat does today, and I could fit in my school bag. I didn't know any words, any faces, any sounds, all I could do was to eat, sleep, poop and want my momma. Five years later I could already speak and laugh and run, careless and full of joy. Everything was amazing back then. And only ten years ago I was 10, bullied child with just one real friend, playing online games and collecting Littlest Pet Shop animals. And just 5 years ago I entered high school and felt so not ready for it, still kind of like a child, but there were already some hints of adulthood in my life. I started having more friends, got drunk for the first time, felt anxious about the fact that I can legally have sex already. And damn, these last five years were crazy.

So many things have changed. I have changed incredibly much. I've grown, I've learned, and I still have so much in front of me. I mean, I'm only 20 and even that feels like a long time. I can't imagine I might have these twenty years multiplied by 3 ahead of me.

There will be existentional crisis for sure. There has already been some, but they say that your 20s are the worst. I can understand that, you're basically still a teenager trying to find yourself, and on the other hand you have to do all this crazy adult stuff like working, moving away from your parents, starting a family... And as an addition to all of this there is our world, always tirelessly moving forward and you're trying your best to keep up with it. Who are we? What is our purpose? Is our planet dying? How much time do we have left?

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And how much time do your relatives have? As a child (and in most cases also as a teen) you don't have to worry that much about losing your grandparents, but you are aging and so are they. Is there any way to prepare for what's coming? Should you be spending all your time with them? Should you try to get as much from what you have as long as you still have it?

And hell, what am I even going to do with my life? I seriously admire people who knew from a very young age what they wanted to do. I am 20, and I'm just like Jon Snow. I know nothing. Should I continue studying or start working? Should I save money or travel? Should I get wasted every weekend or rather spend it figuring out my future?

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I think what I need is balance. But balance is so hard to find for some reason. Why is everything so difficult? I just want to be at home and watch Netflix. Am I asking for too much?

My lector once told me: You should spend your 20s drunk, high or both. Just enjoy it as much as you can. And I really feel like that's what matters the most. To enjoy your life, yourself, no matter the age. Maybe I should stop being so careful and experiment a little bit more. Stop being on my phone and meet new people, go to a party, take my boyfriend on a spontaneous trip. Eat more popcorn and fries, because they are freaking delicious. Watch as many series and movies as I want because that's what I love. Have more sex because it's amazing. Stop waiting for tomorrow when I have today.

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So, you know, I feel both excited and scared about my 20s. It's gonna be hell of a ride, and I might lose it every now and then, but despite all the bad things and obstacles that are waiting somewhere there for me, I know I'm gonna make it somehow.

My teen years gave me a lot. Like I said, I grew and I learned and I changed and I hope the other decade will give me the same. We should never stop wanting to be bigger and better, we shouldn't settle and get comfortable. We only live once, so let's make it worth every second.

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All the people in their 20s reading this, I feel you. And all the others, wish us luck. This is insane.


Just a quick note for the end, thank you for reading my thoughts. It's 11th August, my birthday, and I just felt like sharing them. Have a good day.

See ya,
(already 20 years old) Michel ♥