This year has been a very challenging year for me and my family, and sometimes i just can't stand the hole thing and lose it. An unsurmountable amount of changes has happend and it's really difficult to deal with them.

First, in the end of february, i moved out of the place i've been in for the longest time -five years- and went to another school -i was in the one i used to go for nine years-, so obviously, i was sad. The new place is nice and the school thing is cool now, kindish. The friends i've made there are incredible people and i really love them. Leaving the other school only made me realize who were my friends really, and not only because of circumstances. I wish i could say that just some of them didn't care, but most of them didn't. I felt that hard, even if i already knew this would happen, and will happen again.

Then some shitty things came and divided our lives in before and after. One of my mother's brothers killed himself and it was a very shocking thing. All the family gathered together for this and they were all out of it. They didn't know why or anything at all. They were very lost on that. My mom was a complete mess inside. It hurted so much to look at her and seeing how she was and not knowing how to help her. When things got a bit less horrifying, my grandma passed away. I still don't get what's going on, i never lost anyone who was close to me. Them both lived in a distant state, but i love them so much. Grandma spent a month with us at my old apartment last year and it was very special, and now it has a different meaning to me.

I had a breakdown these days and i got scared of everything and just missed them all. How is it that life is so fragile and tough at the same time and amount? The future is so uncertain, i don't want to lose anyone else for a very long time.