Hey lovies! This post is gonna be way different than my other ones but I really felt like sharing this today. Basicially rn I‘m sitting in the car omw back home from a dinner . At that dinner I have meet a few new people and I have come to a realization. Before I come to that I want you to know what kind of people they are. All of them are studying/have studied at top universities (ivy league, oxford and cambridge) and are nerds. Not trying to say this like it‘s a bad thing . So one of them was a guy with very impressive general knowledge that is very good at explaining. I kinda wanted to have his knowledge and confidence ,because not only does he know much but he is a very good talker and good with people.However another person who is also a nerd but way different made me think she is kinda what I don‘t wanna be but still so similar to me . Then I figured out where on that scale I want to be. I don‘t want to be the guy that has impressive knowledge and confidence that won‘t shut up nor do I wanna be the ignorant awkward girl. Also I really wanted to discuss with the guy but I felt too stupid . Like I don‘t have enough knowledge to talk w him and I felt like an uneducated idiot. I felt scared to talk. I never wanna feel like that again , I wanna inform myself more so that this doesn’t happen . Quickly I have realized that it isn’t only knowledge , I can have the biggest knowledge but It won‘t matter much if I can‘t express myself properly. If I don’t have the confidence to be convincing and use the right expressions and examples. But how do I improve that? I suck at expressing myself ,but you probably realized that already through reading this shitty post that is a complete mess and you probably don’t even understand what I‘m saying and I‘m sorry for that. Well now I don’t even know what this article about and what my main realization is the longer I keep thinking about it the more I start realizing about it. But do you know how else they made me feel? Lost and kind of jealous. All of them knew who they were and what they want in life , while I don‘t have a clue. They were so determined and organized and I realized that I need to figure my shit out I just don’t know how. The last thing I want to share is something that saddened me quite a bit. They have the wrongest impression of me one could probably have, because I didn‘t know how to act I kinda formed a character . One I never want to be . One I despise . I didn’t even do this on purpose it was an instinct, like a mask in order to hide my true feeling . I feel so stupid now for doing that but in the situation I didn’t know how to deal with it.
Now I feel like I need to change some stuff in order to be the person I want to be and I‘m gonna try to figure that out as soon as I can.

here are some of my other articles like this one:

Thanks for reading, If you have questions, suggestions or just simply need someone to talk to please feel free to contact me.