I could really use some advice from someone out there right now :/

Summer 2019 is almost over. I'm just moved 2000 km from home and I just came home after a month of traveling all around Europe with my best friend. Paris, Barcelona, Nice and Rome is just a few of the places we visited. I've been living in a dream!

I've grown sooo much this summer. I took a two month break from my passion and profession to come back home and travel. I've been so dedicated to my sport that I've never really gotten to know myself, what I like outside of my passion and basically what the world has to offer. My style and attitude have changed a lot because I got to see other, new ways of living. I got inspired by the fashion, food, culture and lifestyle of the places i visited. I got my first tattoo and bought a new wardrobe.

architecture, buildings, and chic image

I'm now back after my travels and I really, for the first time don't know what to do with my life. I still love my sport, but now that I've seen what else there is to do, I'm not sure it's worth it, never have a day of and work 14 hours a day. I'm 20 years old and don't want to waste time trying to be someone I'm not, just so "I don't throw it all way". At the same time, I want to go to university, travel and get more into the things I don't have time for today. Like longboarding, surfing, drawing, photography and fashion. To succeed at a high level in my sport, I have to be 100% dedicated, and right now I feel that my mind is somewhere else. I can't talk to my family about this yet because my dad wants me to go to university, my mom don't want me to give up my sport and everything I've worked so hard for.

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quotes and inspiration image

One part of me wants to buy a van and live van life around europe for a year while I study so I can get into the uni that I want, then go to uni and just quit my sport completely. The other part of me wants to keep trying. I don't want to feel that I'm quitting. At the same time I don't want to feel like I'm living my life for other people and worrying about what everyones going to think if I decide to quit. I feel like I lost my spark for the sport months ago, but I'm scared to quit because my sport is all I've ever wanted to do. Who am I if i don't have the horses?

summer, beach, and california image study, school, and book image

Does any of you have any advice for me? I would really appreciate it <3