So this is my second article tonight, and I'm just venting nonstop I'm sorry. But for some reason putting it on here helps. Nobody on here knows me anyway, so it's like people can relate, without anybody I know being insulted.
Okay so is anyone T I R E D of the stereotypical high school life? Even the adults are on it, I swear...Like, our parking lot needs fixing, we need new school books or working on expanding the building or something (because it is C H A O S in the hallways during passing period). Instead of working on at least one of these fine examples, they spend thousands of money on a new basketball court (That was perfectly fine in the first place) and now they're redoing the WHOLE football field (Grass, running track, everything).

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Everything is sports sports sports. Succeed, succeed, succeed. Our school's motto is "fAiLuRe iS nOt aN oPtIoN." like wtf of course failure is an option, otherwise we wouldn't grow. Right?
The other day, I missed my bus so I was sitting in the lobby waiting for a bus. I watched the cheerleaders getting their new pom poms from the office, the football players carrying helmets, and since it was raining outside, the cross country team was jogging around the school together. Every single time they passed, the office would clap and cheer them on. My heart sunk, because I never had that. I wanted to try out for cheer, but couldn't. I wasn't in any clubs, on any teams. I grew up on the sidelines, watching my friends in gymnastics and soccer and volleyball and cheer, and I always longed to be a part of that. But there was always one reason or another why I couldn't try out.

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Freshman year, my (ex) best friend tried out for cheer and didn't make it. That whole year we worked hard, her practicing jumps and cheers, me practicing turns and leaps for pom (dance team). Sophomore year she tried out and got in. I didn't try out (I think I was grounded, idk what happened exactly). Ofc I was happy for her, but it kind of sucks being left behind.

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She went to cheer camp that summer and came back and taught me everything she learned. I was with her when she got her uniform, her bows, her backpack, pom poms, and jacket. I remember she had the uniform on in the mirror, and I was admiring it, when I caught a glimpse of myself, and it was so ashaming. Here's this beautiful blonde, tall skinny girl in a cheer skirt, and then there' Sophomore year pep assemblies...were painful. Watching the cheerleaders do their cool stunts and cheers, and everybody loved them. I remember thinking, "I can shine too, can't I?" That year, we

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I avoided football games and homecoming, because those are the u l t i m a t e American high school events. My town is really preppy, and we have a lot of tReNdY girls here.
I was at Walmart one day and I noticed blue and gold (my school colors) pom poms and I bought them, telling myself "Oh, for pep assemblies and spirit week" but I knew it was because I loved the pom poms, and I loved practicing with them. I put them in a visible-but-not-like-I'm-trying place in my room, so people would see them when they come in. It was awkward though, when people would ask "Oh, are you in cheer?" And I would have to say, "No, they're just for pep assemblies because I'm extra."
At one of the pep assemblies, a cheerleader asked, "Chloe, did you go to Walmart just for pom poms?" In front of everyone and I was mortified.
I am a fake. A wannabe.
I don't know who I am, and the pressure to be like everyone else is so constant when I'm at school.
The day I missed my bus, when I went home, I grabbed the pom poms and threw them at the top of my closet. I'll use them for pep assemblies, sure, but won't leave them out. It was like every time I looked at them, I felt guilty and so, so sad. And I don't need another reason to be sad.