So I'm really emotional right now and I don't really want to talk about it but I also do want to lowkey, so this article is going to be a mess lol. Proceed with caution. I don't really know where this is going to go but let's see.

So contrary to popular belief, I don't have friends. Like at school everyone sees me always walking around with at least one person. A lot of people know me, I know them, but that's pretty much where it ends. At lunch I eat with Abby, Annie, Azra, Blaise, Paul, Ben, Sam, Tate and Sofia. Other people like to stop by and say hi. The table is over-flowing with teenagers. We have fun and stupid conversations. It's one of those things others might see and be like "WoW look at those preppy kids who have everything they need in life" just because it seems like we're "popular." Knowing a lot of people and being popular are two different things. No, I am not popular. But I do know a lot of people. Seems awesome, right? I'm not close with any of those kids.

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One or two of them I really talk to outside of lunch, like in the halls, but even those, I don't talk to outside of school.

This collection is named accurately. I'm not tryna be trendy or anything but I honestly don't have friends. And looking at these pictures hurt, yet I do it anyway. I don't have any friends because I always find a way to fuck it up. I used to have friends, but I would always mess it up. I would say something I didn't mean, exaggerate too much, and get annoying af. Now, I don't let people get close to me. I push them away. Or when someone tries loving me, I become mean and cold. I don't know what's wrong with me.

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I don't know. I don't know. It makes my head fucking spin. I know my other articles are all PoSiTiVitY but life is not all hecking bunnies and rainbows. That's not how life works.
I look at my ex best friend, with her two besties always by her side. She gives them rides, they come to school together with coffee, they have songs together...she's in my history class, with her air pods and Air Force 1's and Vans backpack and her appearance just screams "VSCO GIRL." I was her best friend frechman year, but over the summer we had some drama, and then when sophomore year started, I was pretty much just following her and Hailey and Liz around. So I stopped hanging out with her.
And you know what fucking hurts?
She never asked why. You'd think if you're best friend stopped hanging out, you'd ask why...
You'd think that if you knew your best friend was in a hospital, you'd wanna know what happened...
It just makes me feel like the whole friendship was fake.

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Whatever. Only two more years now, and hopefully I'll be able to find real friends in college..