i am always in self doubt, and in need of constant reasurance. if someone is texting me a little diffrent, suddenly i feel sad and like i did something wrong. i just want attention and love all the time to make me feel good enough. its extreamly unrealistic, but its something i crave.

since i was a kid, its been something i craved. my mother was always preocupied with other things, or my younger siblings. she also had a habit of being "brutaly honest" and very critical. constantly comparing me to others that were better than me at something. always making me feel like i had to earn. when i would express how i felt i always felt like i was burdening people with them.

to this day, i still appologize for everything, even if its not my fault or if i have no control over things, ill apologize.

i really really fucking hate myself.