if everything should go to plan, this won't ever be sent to you. but then again, life is full of surprises and unexpected situations that i might as well start writing and see where it leaves me.

i remember being so happy with how you and me were going, so full of life and so certain that this was all it was ever going to be. these past few months or should i now say, a year ago, i was so content and had no bad words to say about you.

and honestly, nothing's changed. i still only have good words to say about you.. the only thing that has changed now is that, i don't know you anymore i'm no longer aware of those little details, those precious moments, the memories that count. not knowing how your day has been or what your weekly routine is. i miss how i knew you at one point because you made me happy and everything made a little more sense to me.

this time last year you were the secure person in my life, the one who without a doubt put a smile on my face and had the right words to say.. and now you're the person i know nothing about.

it was never our full intention to cut each other off, it was never suppose to end like this, but it did. we parted ways and no longer have a word left to say. no matter how many days go by, the care i have for you will never change.

i spent many nights crying in my pillow whilst trying to gather my thoughts and understand the reasoning to why these things were happening to me. i spent numerous days hoping you would come back and realise what we had. i spent many hours waiting for a time where i would feel slightly okay again. you hurt me.

it took me several months and tries to fully let you go. but just know that now i can accept that you've moved on and that you're happy, and i've accepted that this is exactly where we were meant to be.

i'm still able to love you and not be with you. i'm still happy you're happy even if it's not because of me. you made many of my days joyful, but so many of them, ugly.

you're a good guy and you do have good intentions, you hurt me and broke my heart but you're a good person. i know i should hate you for what you did, but i don't and i never will. because i don't regret you. i don't regret how it ended because i remember how it began and how happy you made me. but i just know that even if we could go back, i wouldn't belong there anymore.

i don't miss you but i know that a part of me always will. because our bond was special to me and even though i might reminisce about us sometimes it doesn't mean i miss you. it simply means i haven't forgotten who you were, who we were.
i really hope someday when we are older, we will be able to talk about our good memories and be good friends. but for now, i hope you are well, and that you know i'm truly grateful that i once knew you.

you're okay. i'm okay. we're doing just fine, i'm glad we once knew a life with each other in it but i'm also glad we were able to go back to having one without.

you don't need to apologise, because you made me realise how strong and how loved i am. you made me realise that things are going to be okay in the end. you made me realise it was a happy memory that wasn't meant to last forever. and lastly, you made me realise that your feelings about me changing, is okay. us being strangers again, is okay. us being you, me. is okay. i'll never forget the me and you that is was, but i'll never forget the me by myself that it ended up being.

if ever, this is my apology to you.