๐ป๐‘’๐“ƒ๐“๐‘œ ๐’ป๐“‡๐‘’๐“ƒ๐“ˆ, I tend to struggle with many things, such as socializing, self-discipline, or procrastination (you can call me Mr. Struggle, or Miss if you want to be correct about it). Despite lowkey being a piece of trash, I still manage to overcome many of my issues (often a result of previous self-sabotage). Granted it is done with much complaining coupled with a strong desire to yeet myself out the nearest window. So maybe one day Iโ€™m being unnecessarily lazy, not writing that research paper I had two weeks to complete, out partying with my friends in some random guyโ€™s dorm room, liquored up and slowly slipping into an existential crisis at 1 am. Only to remember Iโ€™ve written a single paragraph of my paper. So I tell myself โ€œeverything is going to be okay, at least we have an outline.โ€ Then the very next day proceed to waste twenty minutes of writing time watching an intense dodgeball game (cuz maybe there was a cute boy playing and it wouldโ€™ve been a disservice to my eyes if I didnโ€™t go). Itโ€™s okay though because once it ends Iโ€™ll lock myself in my dorm with no distractions, bang out a quality paper, edit it the next day, and hand it in on time. Does it read like this all happened? Because it did, and lord almighty it was a rollercoaster.

Day 8: ๐˜“๐˜ช๐˜ด๐˜ต ๐˜ด๐˜ฐ๐˜ฎ๐˜ฆ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ช๐˜ฏ๐˜จ ๐˜บ๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ ๐˜ด๐˜ต๐˜ณ๐˜ถ๐˜จ๐˜จ๐˜ญ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ธ๐˜ช๐˜ต๐˜ฉ

Image by ๐’ฉ. โฅ

Despite the chaotic mess mentioned above, my biggest and constant struggle is with anxiety. Sheโ€™s a confidence killer, and sometimes I let her ruin my day. I canโ€™t pinpoint a specific moment, but I believe it got worse when I started high school. At the beginning of the ninth grade, I didnโ€™t care too much about what people thought about me or how I looked. I had always been me, an awkward little firecracker who knew what she was capable of. Though as time went on, I became less sure of myself. Always comparing myself and my work to others, continuously worrying about how I presented myself. Suddenly, it morphed into not just worrying about myself but being around others as well. There were times where I didnโ€™t feel like I fit in, and I would let that single thought ruin my mood.

Temporarily removed

Then I started university, and my stress went way high. Although I was doing all these great things, meeting new people, and making great friends, my stress went up by at least 70% (my anxiety along with it). I was in a new city, surrounded by people I didnโ€™t really know, trying to figure this adulthood thing out. There were so many times during my first year where Iโ€™d let my anxiety prevent me from doing something, like going out with friends and simply enjoy myself.

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Lately, Iโ€™ve been trying (emphasis on trying) to be more positive. I donโ€™t mean โ€œeverything is going to be okโ€ positive, rather more โ€œitโ€™s ok to not be okโ€ type positive. Instead of listing all the things that could go wrong, I try to think of what could go right and remind myself that not everything is under my control. If I could punch anxiety in the face I would, on sight. It can be hard, and some days itโ€™s harder than others. I may not become the most confident girl in a week, but Iโ€™m working on it and I think Iโ€™m okay with just that. Besides, slow progress is still progress.

quotes, anxiety, and motivation image

๐ฟ๐’ถ๐“‰๐‘’๐“‡ ๐“ƒ๐‘’๐“‡๐’น๐“ˆ, ๐ต๐‘œ

-ห‹หโœ„โ”ˆโ”ˆโ”ˆโ”ˆโ”ˆโ”ˆโ”ˆโ”ˆโ”ˆโ”ˆโ”ˆโ”ˆโ”ˆ

๐˜–๐˜ณ๐˜ช๐˜จ๐˜ช๐˜ฏ๐˜ข๐˜ญ ๐˜—๐˜ฐ๐˜ด๐˜ต:

๐˜”๐˜บ ๐˜ˆ๐˜ณ๐˜ต๐˜ช๐˜ค๐˜ญ๐˜ฆ๐˜ด: