When she’s feeling the loneliest she’s ever felt and she looks at old photos that captured the good times (or maybe she just decided to keep only those) and she remembers how in between those moments she also felt the loneliest she’s ever felt, how it was never really better and the old times weren’t all good, she wonders why she still misses them regardless. All those people that made her feel worthless and ugly – she called them friends – why does she miss them now that she’s alone – she’s so much better like this. Why do we choose to ignore the bad in the past when the present isn’t going too well? Why tell herself that it was better then and make herself want to go back when she knows if she was there right now – she’d get up and leave. Why does she feel nostalgia? Isn’t that for people who had good lives? Or maybe she is just looking for pain again – why is she so bad to herself when she knows she shouldn’t be? And why can’t she stop that feeling even as she’s writing this?