Brother..I miss you.

I want you back, but I can’t have you back.

I miss you hugs, encouraging words and your voice… God you were so talented.

But, you got taken away from me way too soon.

Grandpa… I miss you so much, Daddy B.

Our birthdays are only days apart and every year since you’ve been gone I’ve cherished that day more and more.

I never got to hug you. You hated hugs. You refused to show that kind of affection because you were told it was bad as a kid. I understand.

What I don’t understand is that you weren’t sick. You were ok the week before. You weren’t hurting. You were happy. You went to the hospital as a ‘just in case’ and came home the next day. They didn’t say not even a week later you would be gone.

You weren’t supposed to leave. I wasn’t prepared.

Grandma…I miss you the most, Mama Dot.

You were my best friend even though you started to forget that. You helped raised me. You taught me right from wrong and told me how amazing I was even when I didn’t believe it. You became so small and so fragile, but you were the same sarcastic and amazing human being I grew up with.

You went to the hospital a lot, because you were so small and fragile and you had so much done to you that they always had to give you a check up.

I was at work when my mom was calling me and texting me that you were in the hospital again.

She said everything was ok. She told me you were gonna be ok. She said that I could finish my shift and you would go home in the morning.

She was wrong.

I was a hour away from finishing my shift when she called. I knew it. I had the feeling something wasn’t right. My mom didn’t say a word, but I could hear the grief through the phone. I dropped what I was doing and darted to my car. I’v never driven so fast in my life. It was a miracle I didn’t get pulled over.

I got to the hospital.

You weren’t there.

You were supposed to be there. You were supposed to be ok.

I miss you so much…. I can’t put into words how much I want to just give you a hug and talk to you. I miss it more than anything.

I love all three of you with all my heart.

I miss al three of you with all my heart.

I need you guys back, but I can’t have any of you back.