Listening to some joji songs right now to get the mood right oof. So hey, it's me again ... Needless to say, a lot happened after that last week of August when I somehow landed a job at a startup video company that does video commercials and stuff. The pay wasn't that good but it made use of my video editing skills that I didn't know would be this useful. Anyways, I basically quit last week rotfl or at least I told them I went on vacation to make it easier for them to transition my absence I guess or something. I do feel kinda bad since I know they really needed me but never really did show any real gratitude towards the hours I had to put in order to make some things happen but I can't really blame them and it's the more the CEO guy too focused on making sales or something but whatever. Working there for a year taught me a lot, I started having worries about stuff I didn't have before and so on. I finally got to buy and build my first computer with the money and save up a bit so that I can plan some vacation for next month because I really need to up 100 miles up in the sky away from everyone's bullshit. I guess having no friends or any real attachment to anyone in this city makes it easier for me to just let everything go and leave whenever I want or at least that's what I convince my self anyways. But yeah, now that I was making money I was a little obsessed about making more because it didn't make sense from my point of view of getting paid this low with the amount of support I was doing so I felt like I was being used because of my youth or something. Guess it was just a matter of time before I left since everyone who used to work there when I started basically left before me as well which didn't really help.

Anyways, I kept my mind busy this week with some trivial internet social media stuff. I guess I didn't really figure this out at first but I was always really good at manging stuff or something. Now, I'm in this phase where I wanna find "The One" and just settle out for good. I can't even tell if this is depression which I should be used by now or just plain loneliness which I been feeling more and more recently. Let's not forget how this year was a bit shitty when it came to making friends or trying to reconnect with people with high school whom I thought was maybe just maybe friends or something but in the end, my expectations were just reality. I thought to share traumas together would bring us some closure but they just end up ghosting me and it was back to me talking alone to myself. At this point, idk I just, idk if its me who's unable to make connections or people who are just too focused on themselves to see that I'm trying to be their friend and care for them unconditionally but I guess in this generation its a concept that is really subjective when there are so many labels on what's the standard.

Anyhow, idk where we going from this but, I got money, I got the confidence, I started working out so not planning to give that up, I know my worth. So this year wasn't all that bad, I got to know myself a little bit better which definitely helps for now I guess. I'm also thankful for someone I met online a while ago with whom I talked to when she was really in a dark place bc of some bs with other guys. I felt a bit bad when I ghosted everyone including her because of my stupid depression phase but I'm glad we're talking again. She always makes me feel weird and shit and in a good way. I get to rely on her and some shit I guess. Some real platonic shit. Anyways, anyways, just hang in there Anh. If there's one thing we learn this year is that anything is possible if you simply believe in yourself and apply yourself. Besides, the thing about love is we can't always choose who we fall with, I'm just hoping it happens soon before this loneliness kills me or makes me do something stupid.

From myself
To myself