๐ป๐๐๐๐ ๐ป๐๐๐๐, hehe so I donโt really understand astrology, but Iโm an Aquarius and weโre supposedly emotionally challenged right?
Day 2: ๐๐ณ๐ช๐ต๐ฆ ๐ด๐ฐ๐ฎ๐ฆ๐ต๐ฉ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ข๐ต ๐ด๐ฐ๐ฎ๐ฆ๐ฐ๐ฏ๐ฆ ๐ต๐ฐ๐ญ๐ฅ ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ ๐ข๐ฃ๐ฐ๐ถ๐ต ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ๐ณ๐ด๐ฆ๐ญ๐ง ๐ต๐ฉ๐ข๐ต ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ ๐ฏ๐ฆ๐ท๐ฆ๐ณ ๐ง๐ฐ๐ณ๐จ๐ฐ๐ต
โItโs okay, I know how you donโt like to say โI love you'.โ
My best friend said this during a phone call, at the time she was dealing with a lot of stress, and just needed someone to listen. I am by no means the first person you should go to for emotional support, I have no idea how to comfort someone, especially with my words.
Friend: My girlfriend broke up with me.
Me, restraining the urge to say yikes: Do youโฆ want to talk about it??
I can offer a shoulder to cry on, a hug if needed, or simply my presence if you donโt want to talk. I always let my friends know, โIf you want to talk about it, or not talk about it, Iโm here.โ
Now, this particular best friend of mine is very well aware of my emotionally challenged self. Four years of annoying each other, you figure things out. She understands I donโt talk much, especially about my feelings, but she can read the emotions on my face easily. According to her, and I donโt doubt this, I have a certain โlookโ that lets her know when I want to be left alone.
Which is why I let my actions say all the things I know I couldnโt. It bothers me that I feel as though I canโt say โI love you,โ I have tried, resulting in either an immense wave of cringe or a phantom, choking feeling that barely allows me to get a single word out.
So when my best friend told me that she knew how I didnโt like saying โI love youโ I wasnโt shocked, I was relieved. I could never regret the countless conversations we've had, of which I awkwardly tried to comfort and support her, they werenโt in vain. In fact, Iโll continue to awkwardly support my best friends, because I love being there for them (even if I donโt say it). For someone who can be quite emotional, I donโt have a very good grasp of my emotions. After that very enlightening (jk, it was ranty on both ends) phone call, I came to realize that it simply wasnโt the fact I didnโt like saying โI love youโ, but genuinely found it difficult to. And Iโm learning thatโs okay, itโs okay to not know everything, itโs okay to be awkward, and itโs okay to struggle to find the right words.
If thereโs anyone reading this, I hope you can find some solace or inspiration from my awkwardness. This whole โbeing in tune with your emotionsโ thing doesnโt come easily to everyone, itโs โ in my opinion โ a never-ending learning process.
๐ฟ๐ถ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐น๐, ๐ต๐
-หหโโโโโโโโโโโโโโ
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