“sometimes you make me feel like i actually have a chance with you.
but when i try to take that chance, you make me realize that i never really did.”

people asked me why i loved you and i didn’t have to think about it, even for a second, before telling them,

‘he gave me light on the darkest days’.

they say love feels harsh, but beautiful. it’s a rush; keeps your heart racing at every little thing.

love is the most elegant form of hope. even a sliver of it, can turn anyone into a believer.

but loving you felt scary. and it wasn’t supposed to feel like that.

loving you felt like a stutter step, this kind of twisted game that i had chosen to be a part of.

there were times where i hesitated creating memories with you. and there were other times i gave you all of me without a second thought.

and i’d be lying if i said the same amount of effort was reciprocated.

regardless to all the times you screwed up and showed up, you never learned from your mistakes.

you only hurt me more.

i don’t know if you intended to or you just didn’t know how to love, but you treated me like a joke and all i could do was laugh like it was funny.

you said you were going to change and i believed you.
and you did change. but not for me.
you were changing for someone else.

and that felt like proof that every time you said you loved me more than i ever could, you didn’t.

you said i deserved to be happy and that i’d find someone better. and i knew you were right.

but it always made me wonder why you couldn’t try to be the best and why you couldn’t make an attempt to make me the happiest.

but that’s just it.

we were apart of a twisted game where you wanted me when you couldn’t have me and when you finally had me, you didn’t want me anymore.

love,
the girl who never followed a sign that warned her not to love you.

flowers, beautiful, and quotes image moon, sky, and night image bl, kiss, and yaoi image Image by 𝖍𝖚𝖌 𝖒𝖊 𝖇𝖗𝖔𝖙𝖍𝖆

hey guys! this is the fifth part of the 'dear diary,'. i'm sorry i've been m.i.a, i've come to new york and the wifi here is shit lmfaoo
see ya cum nuggets x