I don't understand myself.
Why did I allow myself to fall again...
I didn't but I did. I wanted it. I wanted his touch I wanted his kiss. I wanted him on top of me. We hung out and I should have gone home. But I didn't want to go home just yet I wanted to stay with him.
Maybe to watch a movie or something.
I was laying upside down from him so his face wasn't next to mine. But he started it. Playfully fighting with me. Then his touching me. I back away he stops but only for a moment.
Then he tries again. Conflicted I don't know if I want this. What it is or was. So much past between us. Forget it were just friends now this means nothing.
He flips over to my side. Now were facing each other. I put the pillow between us in a panic but I take it off to see what he might do. He makes a move and in doing that he bumps his head against mine. I laughed out of reaction but after that moment of silence he stays still forehead to mine.
At this point I'm not sure whether to back away or not. It felt right but wrong. Like this is meant to be but this is the wrong time. I wanted to stop doubting but couldn't. I waited breathing heavy heart pounding. His lips were slowly touching mine.
I stopped for a bit then he would try to continue it. I just gave in. Yes I love him but the hurt he has caused is still there. Knowing him he will never make the full effort to win my heart back.
He'll move on to something simple and easier then my complicated mind. I don't blame him only myself. Always a fool making bad decisions.