I didn’t use the word „confident”, because when I say powerful, I mean it. I’ll explain. For me, confidence is when my sister is putting her fencing clothing on before a tournament, and she says „I got this”. Confidence is when I stand in front of a patient in a hospital, during work, and I say „You are in good hands”. Confidence is being secure about what you are doing, and about how are you doing it. But powerful? Powerful is so much more. You know the feeling when you are simply standing or siting right there, knowing you can do anything, everything, and so much more. Knowing you can climb the Everest, touch the sun, bring down the damn moon if you want to. Knowing that nobody can stop you, nobody can make you feel any different. That’s what I call feeling powerful.

I think about this a lot. And obviously, nobody is feeling like this all the time, and that’s completely okay, because we are humans, and every single day is different. Many of us are suffering by different circumstances in life, things that often can go out of control, such as eating disorders, depression, PTSD, anxiety, just to mention some. I have them too. I said this before, and I’ll say it again: I had, and still have panic attacks, my brain does it’s nasty tricks and all (I don’t want to talk about it). But still, nowadays I’m starting to be more and more comfortable with myself. Obviously, not every day and not all the time, but those „powerful” moments are becoming more frequent, as time goes by.

It wasn’t easy, and it still isn’t. One of the things I learned by now, is that you need to have something to hold on to, anything that helps you overcome the situation you are in. For me it’s a constant battle, because I’m studying medicine, so while working I HAVE to seem strong and confident whatever I’m doing, no matter what could be happening inside of me. And it’s not enough to pretend to be strong ont he outside, one has to b e l i e v e in it. So if you find anything that helps you to feel better, and believe more in yourself and your inner power, you mustn’t let it go, no matter how childish or weak you think it could sound to others.

Avengers, film, and gif image Abusive image

For example, I’m almost 21 years old, but I’m a huge Marvel fan. I kind of grew up with those movies, because of my father and brother, but I started to be a die-hard fan about two years ago. One week was specially hard for me in every way, and there was I, on a Saturday night, watching Iron Man 3. And by the middle of the movie, I realized that Tony Stark, the invencible Iron Man, suffering with PTSD, still managed to save his world by himself. I related to Tony in so many levels, because I was struggling too, and with the constant feeling of the world crumbling around me and with myself being unable to do anything, but still having to fight. And then I promised to myself that if he, my favourite character, could do it, then I could do it too. I know, it’s a bit childish, but it meant really, really a lot to me. When the Captain Marvel teaser trailer was released, I was honestly in tears. Because the scene in which they show kid-, young-, teen-, and adult Carol Danvers falling on the ground, and getting up again, really touched my soul. I saw myself, with all of my struggles and insecurities, and it gave me energy and confidence to carry on and do my thing. It’s like I needed somebody, a role model, somebody who could transmit their vibe and make me believe in myself.

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So I downloaded the Iron Man theme song and the Captain Marvel soundtrack to my phone, and I still have them in a special playlist, for the days I need kind of and energy boost. That’s nothing special, but my little therapy, from myself to myself. I remember walking to my last anatomy exam, knowing that that was my last opportunity to pass before they expelled me from the facultry (In my country you can do an exam four times before being expelled, and I already failed three). I remember myself walking in the morning, listening to „I’m Only Happy When It Rains”. I passed my exam with 96%. Clearly, it wasn’t because of the song, but I’m not sure I would have been able to do what I did, if I didn’t have that confidence boost that movie gave me. I laughed, because I knew that holding on to a superhero movie to continue working as a doctor, to save actual lives, could sound irrational and nonsense.

But I didn’t care, and I still don’t.
I may not throw proton rays with my hands, I may not be able to fly and go to another galaxies. I may not be and intergalactic superhero. I may have my insecurites, my panic attacks, my breakdowns and sometimes, pain. I may stay up late studying in the library instead of anything else, I may cry and fall, then get up again.

I’m not a superhero, I’m not Captain Marvel, or Wonder Woman.

But I know, there is a tiny part of me

that it is.

character, gif, and Marvel image
character, gif, and Marvel image
character, gif, and Marvel image
character, gif, and Marvel image