I have no idea what the fuck I am doing with my life, but I feel more free then I have ever felt in my life. I feel free and trapped at the same time.
I often imagine what would feel like to free myself entirely. Not to hold onto certain things, expectations...
And sometimes, when I really think about it, it's suffocating me, and I fight for a breath for a small glimpse of hope, but then again I get reminded of the shitty reality and I get swooped back into the void.

I tell myself, if I get through this, just these 2 months I will be happy again. But, when those 2 months pass something else comes up and I find myself making the same excuses and the same promises that if I get through the next 2 months I will do something different and it goes on and on.
Until one day I finally let go of everything that's holding me here and fucking leave this place. And I cannot wait for that day to come.

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