Hello Hearters :)

I am gonna write about something, I struggled a lot with the past few months (maybe even a year... I dont exactly know when it started)

aesthetic, fashion, and cute image couple, hands, and love image

I always felt overweighed. That is a fact. I may was a little bit thicker than other kids my age. I wasn´t unsporty, but had a lot of babyfat.

I put on hot pants for the first time when I was in junior year and that just because I finally lost weight - or better, got a little bit in shape - through the socalled rice-diet. I ate a cup of cooked rice for every meal with low carbed vegetables ( I am vegan by the way) Thorugh this calorie deficit, I grew into a average teenage body.

book, girl, and pink image Image by s є m p i t є r n a l

During my finals I lost a few more pounds because of the stress - and because of water fasting. I did three sessions over half a year with five to seven days of fasting. I hated it back then because I loved eating (especially when I was boring) and the resolution was always a jojo effect. I gained back the weight I lost within a few days...

aesthetic, draw, and hands image Image by Evi.Mita

Thanks to my speialization in sports during my graduation I was able to contain a proper weight, but I´ve never been containt with my body.

Somehow - and I really don´t know when it started - I ate less and less. My calorie intake is around 600 kcal a day, which was/is for a 18/19 year old 172 cm/ 5´7´´ tall girl way to less.

fashion, girl, and hair image Image removed

Arcording my TEDD (total daily energy expenditure - means, what your body needs of calories a day while resting/ doing nothing active) I should eat around 1450 kcal/ day.

Being lowkey acitve (horseback riding, taking stairs instead over the elevator, going aroung 8000 steps a day) I should eat 1600 kcal

Honestly, I struggled a lot with forcing myself eating more than 1000 kcal...

couple, love, and kiss image hair, blonde, and style image

Because of my habit (of eating to less) my body started seeing this as "normal" and got into save-mode, which means: my body is storing all of my intakes, what makes it very hard for me to gain muscle or lose weight.

Also, my body doesn´t have enough ressources to properly grow my hair, keep my skin healthy and grow my nails strong - they always break urgh

be, clothes, and denim image be nice image

And if I once - only once - I eat more, maybe a piece of cake, some cookies, even bread - I gained weight, beause my body wanted to store the extra nutrition so badly.

Actually not a bad state, I mean, everyone has to watch how much they eat in order to contain or at least not gain weight, isn´t it?

Let´s come into the present, shall we?

fashion, outfit, and style image couple, love, and dance image

I am still not contained with my body. My thigh and waist measure is as small as never before but I see the loos fat on myself and that is what I don´t like!

The easiest way to lose this fat would be weight lifting an HIIT training, but I tend to fast and diet instead because I don´t really like muscles either

(Sidenote: I don´t like seeing fat on myself, but I don´t like the strong and fit type of weightlifting girl body...)

couple, love, and kiss image beach, blue, and places image

I mean, I feel okay in my skin but if I could trade some aspects of my pysique... I am in.

Maybe it is because of the model shows I watched, seeing the Kpop idols being so flawless, getting involved with anorexia imprinted content on social media (you know the spiral effect of following up with one content and having it on your mind every single day, hour, minute...)

I just keep telling myself I am to fat (which means in my understanding, that my fat share is to high (I measured it today and it is 23% - my "ideal" measure would be around 18 % which is more than it might sound)

nail art, nails, and uñas image fashion, jeans, and style image

I read a lot about stop eating because food makes you "fat", skipping meals will help you lose weight and evenso I know that is NOT true ... I started feeling nausea and disgusted whenever I ate.

To be clear - I am not anorexic! But I notice I am more and omre likely to avoid food.

In the progress of losing weight and fat I need to see fast results. Maybe that is why I am so prone to water fasting.
Which is not a bad diet in my opinion, as long as you do it right and build up your calorie intake afterwards the right way.
I definitly do not, because the longer I am fasting, the less I am likely to eat properly afterwards...

girl, hair, and beauty image winter image

I know it is not healhty starving yourself and something in my mind still keeps me from this last border and I am very thankful for my self-protecting mindset.

I still will look at anorexia content because I know I don´t wanna end like this.

I still will water fast when it feels right to do so, just because it is like detox and mediation for me.

BUT I am gonna increase my number af meals

BUT I will start exercising (with and without weights) to make myself stronger, not only physicaly but also psychologically.

Nothing is more important than mental health, tasts whyI will aloow myself to eat sweets again and also eat some "bad" carbs from time to time.

But most important: I will give myself more time to reach my goals!

aesthetic, bed, and cat image asian fashion, neutral, and ulzzang fashion image

I for myself (and this is also the reason I am writing this) swore myself today to get my body into shape, not starving myself till I reached my goal weight.

I will start with Hatha Yoga again and I will ENJOY eating, increasing my calorie intake while becoming more active an focusing more on my studies :)

I hope I could give you a little insight of my struggles, maybe you can identify yourself and maybe inspire and motiate to change your lifestyle intoa healthier/ more enjoyable/ less-struggleing / lessminding lifestyle

bed, cozy, and aesthetic image girl, supreme, and city image

TIpps to healthy eating habits:

- eat at the same time (if possible) everyday

- eat the same portion of calorie for every meal
(standard would be: 600 kcal for breakfast, 400 for lunch, another 200-300 for dinner, snacks for around 100-200 kcal, notice: this is for an average active girl!! Everyone has another metabolism and energy needs)

- drink more water (half a liter after waking up, another liter till noon, drink unsweeted tea in the afternoon/evening if you don´t want to drink water anymore) cut out soda

- black coffee, water, snacking on cucumbers/ tomatos/ watermelon helps dealing with hunger attacks

- measure your portions (a hand full of veggies, a fist of carbs, three fingers of protein, a thumb of healthy fat)

- stop eating three - four hours before going to bed

- don´t drink alcohol if it is not necessary ( buzz slows down your metabolism about 70% and is also calories!)

- don´t eat when you are stressed or bored, go for a walk instead, try a rlieving yoga session or meditate, go drink a black coffee or unsweetend tea

~ Love, Lisa ~