What is it like to be depressed?
The other day, we were driving back home and we passed an abandoned amusement park. Imagine this with me. The colorful plastic machines that were made and painted in order to bring joy and happiness were just sitting there, broken, under the rain, dirty and rusty from the years of neglect. And it was just sad.
And then it hit me.
Depression is like that.
How?
Well, look at it that way:
Let’s say that Life is a huge amusement park, brightly lit with loud happy music and endless colorful, exciting rides rolling all around. Food is sold around every corner and people are rushing around, from ride to ride, getting off one that they might’ve not like and onto another that they think they will enjoy, endlessly chasing the ride of their dreams.
But, Reem, where does depression fit in here?
Depression is getting lost in the junkyard of that amusement park.
This is what it feels like.
I am walking, in darkness, with only some of the park’s lights allowing me to faintly see what is around me. But what brought joy to people, the colorful beautiful looking rides and the games, they’re not so beautiful back here. They are horrifying.
The huge worm rollercoaster, the same one that once made me feel like I’m over the moon, now lies dead in front of me, its once joyful smile looking more like an evil laugh, its eyes staring into my soul and sucking the happiness out of it.
All around me abandoned rusty rides are strewn around, looking lifeless and creepy. Old games lay broken with their insides out. Broken dolls with empty smiles are around every corner.
See, darkness and joy simply cannot coexist.
In other words, what makes others happy in life is simply terrifying to me.
That worm makes some people feel like they’re flying but that same damn worm is scaring the hell out of me.
There are no lights here.
There is no music.
There is no food.
The rides are broken and forever damaged here.
Why don’t you just get out of there then?
I’m lost.
I’m lost back here in the darkness amidst joylessness and creepy smiles.
I am too scared to move.
I’m too tired to try.
I want to join the rest of the world, but I’m trapped in the junkyard.
This applies to anxiety too.
It’s just so hard to enjoy what others enjoy because it is downright scary to you.
Would you get on that broken, rusty, creepy abandoned worm, all alone in the darkness?
No.
It’s just too much sometimes.
But you know what?
You will find your way out.
It is not easy. It is not easy.
But it is possible.
You are going through it and you will come out of it.
Remember, as you stare into that green worm’s lifeless eyes, to stare back with eyes full of life and hope.
And I know it isn’t so easy, but that doesn’t mean it can’t be done.
Believe in yourself.
Believe that you will make it back one day. Soon.
It will be alright.
And I promise you aren’t alone in that junkyard.
You’ll get through.

And, if you feel like you need someone to give you that extra push to begin your journey back to the park, I’m always here to listen and try to help. Do no hesitate to reach out, I am here for you.

Stay strong,
Stay you,
Lots of love,
~Reem

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