I cannot stop myself from thinking. The cying is worst at night, but it doesn't stop during daytime either. My thoughts are your words mixed with sad anger and questions. Is this the end? Is it all over?
Yesteday I've sent you two messages. Or rather, the same message twice. And deleted it before you logged on to read it. I cried at night. I couldn't fall asleep. But does it matter any? If I told you, would you say you're sorry, like you used to? Or did you really mean it when you said you don't care?

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Today, sitting on the train on my way back to uni, I thought about what you've said. And the more I thought, the more it hurt me. You've been so different to all the others I've ever met. You made me laugh, you made me smile. You made me happy. You made me think that for once I had someone who cared, someone who loved me the way I was, without expecting me to change. You made me believe that I can open up, and be myself. That I can trust. That maybe, just maybe... You would stay.

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You did not. You said it's too hard not being able to even hug each other. Later, when I asked you to give me time to get over you, and couldn't control myself, you said you "loved me as a friend" and didn't want to lose me. I didn't want to lose you either. I'd rather give you away to the one who you think loves you ( I know she doesn't love you, but ok), and be here for you when you need me. Be a friend. I'd rather do that, than lose you. I can't. It's too scary. Too painful.

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TO BE CONTINUED...