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3 weeks and 3 days.

December 9, 2018, 8 days after my 19th birthday

  • 1 day before finals of my first semester in college.

Things would never be the same again because one less person that I loved would never grace the earth with the soul ever again.

I know at some point we all experience loss in our lives, though when it hits so close and when it comes so unexpectedly it seems to alter who we are as a person a little. Or at least it has for me. Or maybe it alters us completely.

I know that losing my older brother who I saw as my other half through gun violence has made my outlook on the world just a little bleak. Some days are filled with despair and most days I just pretend that the pain is non existent and that he's still gracing the world with his presence and his unforgettable smile.

I know at this point I should talk to someone about what I'm feeling on the inside because I don't see an ending to this feeling. But I can't seem to put them into words without choking on them. I guess I've gotten so used to bottling my emotions and grief to myself for way too long.

It's hard to decipher from this sad reality that I am now faced with. When will it get better? When will this grieving period end?

It's been 3 weeks and 3 days since everything has changed my family dynamic, and most days are filled with a roller coaster of emotions. But I am strong, and I've been through the grieving process one too many times. I know the routine.

Love, a grieving sister