There are moments where I think I was doing my best to satisfy everyone's need. But simply ignoring my owns'. Is it deemed to be stubbornness or selflessness? Maybe when I disappear, people will notice my position of myself in their life. Now that is selfishness, right?
I wish that someone could tell me perhaps how I affected their lives, the goods and bads. I want someone to put me back together as a whole, picking up pieces of me and show me that I created an impact in their lives that changed them. I want someone to hug me and hug my sorrows away from my mind. I am happy with everything I have right now, but there is always that hollow depth in my heart, where I want more. More affection, more love, more care, more support... Am I asking too much? Am I not enough to remind people around me that they are loved?
I swear I tried my best, to hinder my pasts, to move on from the things I've done. Seeing everyone around me being so happy without me, feels lonely and unneeded. I know this sounds selfish, but I just wish that I can be the reason for their smiles sometimes, the reason that they would laugh when they think back.
Maybe I should stop worrying, stop trying to exceed for being myself. There are many people in my life that tell me I'm not enough, not the perfect daughter, not a good lover, not a good friend. But screw them. I like being myself and all I'm doing is trying my best to be there for them. So if they don't appreciate you, they are toxic and misunderstanding. You are loved and appreciated, even if you can't see it. But in the end, actions are what you take into account right?