Day 8: Share something you struggle with.

So, there are a lot of things I can't do good, I am not satisfy with, but I think the biggest struggle I have to deal with everyday is just simply myself.

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I don't want this to get too serious, because life is short, enough whining around. But yeah, here are some reasons why I feel like my struggle is me and maybe some tips on how I am trying to deal with it, perhaps it will help you too.

1. Hard time with my appearance - from when I was little I always had curvy figure. I remember everyone being pretty small at that young age, but I had pretty big hips (which now are just right for my body proportions. You know, puberty.. but I still struggle with it) and I really hated it. To add to that close people would comment on my weight and it really digged a hole in me. Also my skin was and still is far from perfect: I have pimples, a lot of scars, but it has been better now. When I look at the younger me pictures my skin has really improved but I still have to work hard for it, because damn.. I deserve having nice skin. It was and still is one of my biggest insecurities. So in my opinion when talking about dealing with these kind of problems just remember... it's all going to change. Even tho it sounds cheesy. Society pushes us to beauty standarts and just think about it, they change almost every month. You wouldn't be able to change yourself that quick and just for what? To be liked by others? It's a sad life then. Flaws will heal, you will learn what works for you and what doesn't. You are beautiful, you have beautiful soul. If you want to talk, you can always come to me. Anyway, keep your chin up, listen to some good music and remember everything is going to past soon.

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2. Social struggles: Well it was mainly a problem when I was younger, because I was so sed to spend most off my time at home, I really do not liked going out. But actually it all changed. You just have to find the right people to be with, you feel comfortable to. i do not say that it is wrong to sit at home all the time. I am talking about he people who feel the urge to go out but are affraid. Actuyally, I would like to learn to spend some time alone in outside. Like to go to a coffe shop, order a cup of coffe and just sit alone at the table and write something or read a book. That's one of the things I want to be better at. But that's somehow related to this problem. If you are comfortable with yourself, you will eventually get used to going out more and talking with other, strangers or people you know. It's pretty easy now to make a conversation with a stranger for me, if they also want to talk. It has to be both sided bond. It's not your fault if other person ignores you. Just leave him alone and go your way. Remember, not just talk, but also listen what they say. Be intrested. That will show your genue wish to make friends or just to have a pleasing conversation.

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3. Relationships: I do not brag about being single. I kind of like it. Also it's my senior year now and I will start everything from the start in another city next year so starting some romance wouldn't be so good I think. And I just didn't find anyone that I like so it's also why you shouldn't rush yourself and I think you will feel when the right one comes along. Just enjoy your single life, dab those haters and love yourself! Damn what a whole snack you are. But I mentioned this topic to talk about family relationships. I can't give you advice on how to deal with it, because i still struggle myself. It matters what kind of persona that person has. With more easy ones you can try to talk problems out, make them a pleasent suprise, apologise or just hug them. But I will give you my example. Me and my dad where pretty close as I was little. But eventually I grow older and our relationships became not so good, but still good I could say. Until one big acident that occured this summer and that effected our relationships pretty badly. We still talk, it's like we talked it out and it's good, but I feel like he deffinetly keeps anger at me inside and that's def hurts me a lot. He said some things that I will always remember and I know that our relationships will never be the same. It sucks, it really does. I think about it a lot and it really gives me something similar to anxiety, because I would like to change things, but I just can't, As I said before it has to be both sided bond, but from his side I just do not see any wish to try. I am gratefull that I have him, I love him, but I hope something will and can change before it is too late. Well, I am happy I have hin around me. That's what matters the most to me.

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4. Perfectionism and anxiety: Okey, with this one I also do not know if I can give you an advice, but... I, as a lot of us nowadays, strive for perfection. I am also sometimes pretty lazy person so that gives us a contrast, but I want to get better and that's when it srikes. It's complicated because I also want to work hard, but I don't want to get trapped in not satisfying my needs. It's good to work hard towards your dream, but also find the balance. I also feel a bit of presure form the outside. You have to succeed, do good all the time... It's just hard, because trying is not enough sometimes. Well, I can only say that we need to help each other to find that balance and just sometimes chill our minds and spirit. Let yourself go free. That's what I like to do when things gets too.. big for me. Like I like to dance, write or draw... or just listen to music. Find something that works for you and don't seek perfection from yourself. Just try to do better everyday and it you do not succeed, that's okey too. What matters the most is that you try. With trying you are already ahead.

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Anyway, thank you for listening to me, letting me to take all this stuff from my head and maybe it have helped not only for me but also from someone who is out there, lost and hurting. I love you and stay strong.

-K.