December is for you. For all the things we’ve been through, for all the dragons we slew together, for all the pieces you got from me, for all the promises we broke and for all the tears you wiped off my face.

This is for you.

On how your birthday is on October, on how I think of you every time I notice a person blinks too much or when I see this really cool painting I know you’ll love and I immediately take out my phone to tell you. But I can’t text you anymore. I know you won’t answer. This is a letter to honor all the memories we created and all the things we won’t have.

About how much I would’ve loved to take you to all the trips I did. When I looked at the empty space next to me, at the window while the many planes I took departed, I couldn’t help but crave your presence. Do you know how much I wanted you to be there with me? But you weren’t.

How much I loved your dark mind and twisted thoughts. You were not weird to me. You were not damaged. You were good, you were more than enough and with such a kindness that I found so exquisite and rare.

black, dark, and hands image

Changes that often involve a goodbye can be heartbreaking. Life comes and goes. Friends are found and lost. Oscar Wilde once said: “I’m not young enough to know everything”. Those words were never truer. As time passes I realize how little we really know, how eager this makes us learn, to just let it be or even to give up trying to understand human nature. All these new situations, all those goodbyes became learning opportunities that shaped us into who we are today. Can we blame ourselves for wanting to start over?

Image removed
Where the end and the beginning find each other, that’s the moment in which I’ll think about you. There is you and there is me. Two identical souls who were meant to meet for a little while and then, to navigate apart.

And I thank you for giving me so many reasons to love one single person, for showing me how much could I love. Also, for teaching me that a feeling such as deep as this can grow and change. Even though I have no other choice than to let you go, I do it with the utter desire to see you succeed.

It baffles me and breaks me that you didn’t realize it. Maybe you did and you got scared. Maybe you are just an asshole. Even so, my unconditional love could never lead me to disrespect any of your decisions. Therefore, if wanting me out of your life is one of those decisions that will give you peace I respect that. How could it be another way?

Temporarily removed

I want to see you grow, change, love, experience. I’ve always wanted the best for you and always will. A mind like yours deserves the world. How could you think otherwise? No matter how many times you fail, and how many times you fail me I could never consider you any less than what you are... extraordinary.

I’ll cherish that kiss, the promises, the plans for your 21st birthday in Vegas, you said. Or was it just a dream? Some people as exceptional as you are so dreamy, yet ephemeral. I knew this could not be it, not when you have so much to do with your life.

mountains, adventure, and nature image

I hope you find what you’re looking for. I hope you find more than expected. I hope you fill your lungs and heart with the satisfaction of accomplishing your dreams. By all means, I desire your victory in this tale we call life.

As for me, I’ll keep dreaming of you, since the only way to see you is in my head. I promise that I’ll imagine you with a smile. I’ll imagine you found the love of your life who adores your flaws and your dark side more than I do. I’ll imagine you got into that art school you always talked so much about. I’ll imagine you sleep well at nights and feel excited about tomorrow, about all the tomorrows you’ll have… even if I’m not there with you to keep you company.

dark, pale, and water image

I know it was hard to decide I didn’t belong in your life anymore. Please don’t feel sorry for me, I’ll be fine. I do not pray that you regret your decision, I don’t want you to feel regrets.

December is for me. This is for me. This is my goodbye letter to you, all of you. I’ll be forever grateful for your impact on my soul and I’ll keep searching for you in every person I meet, in every place I visit and in every book I read. Every whisper will tell a story, and all of my tears have said their farewells.

December is for me to say goodbye and start anew.

My other articles:

All the pictures belong to their rightful owners

This article was written by @paulinaheart on the We Heart It Writers Team.