The biggest mistake I make when I’m depressed is that I let it swallow me whole, I get so deep into that hole that I don’t even try to get out of it. I let it take over me, I shut people out, I don’t tell anyone anything. I’m silent most of the time, and when anyone asks me how I’m doing I always reply with ‘I’m fine’, however, I’m not. I’m totally not fine, I’m so sad. I don’t want to be sad, but sometimes it seems quite impossible not to be.

Crying til 4am in the morning seems normal to me now. Seeing people on social media being happy triggers my jealousy, ‘why can’t I be like them’ i ask myself. I’m trying, so hard to be ‘normal’, to be ‘happy’. Maybe time will heal, just maybe. Happiness will come one day, I just have to be patient enough for it.

it hurts, but it's ok. I'm used to it.