What should i be doing right now? Studying for finals.
What am i doing? Writing this things now, because I cannot have them going round my mind, not anymore.

So I am here, writing down my thoughts and feelings because this is how it works, this is what I do when stuff is on my mind for a long time, when I am not able to stop thinking about a specific thing, when i am so done with something, when I think about stupid decisions that I have made, when I just need to let it out somewhere or with someone. I just feel better after writing whatever came to my mind.

What exactly am i writing? I truly have no idea. I'm just letting my fingers do the work here. I'm defenitely here because of you. Every-single-time is you. Are you reading this right now? God, I hope not. Mostly because I do not want to hurt you or to, sorry for the next word, fuck you up more. Not with my bull aymore, you do not deserve this.

I am a mess of a person.

And I think I have left that crystal clear.

Whenever I see you, in the distance, walking pass me or in whatever conditions you are in, my heart just sinks. Wow I never thought that I would write that phrase down. And I begin to doubt myself and the choices I have taken. But again there are these moments in which I know that I feel better this way, that this was a great thing to do.

I still like you and maybe I never left the idea that I like you clear enough. I should have. I am so not good talking about my feelings with someone or talking about them at all. I prefer to write it down, sometimes I like to take my time so I can find the right words to say, sometimes I just explain them the best as I can, meaning, I explain them horribly, and this probably one of those times.

But I cannot keep doing this to you, it is so not fair, so not good. So I will let it this way, because most of me knows it is for the best to let it this way.

I am a shitty person and maybe you have realised it by now, and if you have not, something is wrong.

Please, even though the part of me that said writing this down was a good idea, if you even read this, do not text me, we both know it is better the way it is and maybe this is your way of realizing it, so do not do it, please it would only fuck with us again, and to be honest I am not ready for anything bad to happen again. And well, i guess this is another "letter", as you said, to you. And there is a chance that it will not be the last one.

I am sorry, Ana.


> the final part.
> here's part one for this
>and here is everything i've written for now